


we are a hurricane

by viscrael



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Implied Transphobia, M/M, Roommates, Sexuality, Social Anxiety, Trans Hinata, Trans Male Character, another multichap fic whooo, arospec kags, implied past suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viscrael/pseuds/viscrael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama guesses he’s one of the only people Kozume can stand being around for more than ten minutes, because he comes over pretty often. “Pretty often” meaning, like, every two days, always without knocking, always with loud footsteps and a louder voice, always always <em>always.</em></p>
<p>Kageyama hates it.</p>
<p>...Or, at least, he thinks he does, until suddenly he's not there anymore. </p>
<p>alternatively titled: in which kenma and tobio are roommates, shouyou is hot, and tobio is really hecking gay</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. worth your weight in gold

**Author's Note:**

> ive had this first chap sitting unfinished in my drafts since like may oops. anyway. have another multichap kagehina fic bc i miss writing for hq. idk what the plot is yet lmao and idk how many chaps but enjoy the gay
> 
> fic title courtesy of simeme. @meme t hank

Kozume certainly isn’t the _worst_ roommate Kageyama Tobio could’ve been stuck with, that’s for sure.

He doesn’t talk much, with a soft voice and softer presence. He doesn’t seem to do much either, outside of play video games and lounge around, and he only goes out when his friends ask him to. He keeps his side of the room relatively clean, he does his own laundry, he only exchanges the bare minimum of conversation with Kageyama, and he almost never has company over.

Key word there being _almost_.

See, most of his friends just pop their head in their shared dorm, ask him if he wants to hang out, and respond accordingly to his choice of yes or no. They’re only in for a minute, usually, and most of them only exchange polite hellos with Kageyama before returning their attention back to Kozume.

But there’s this _one_ kid, this _one fucking kid_ , that makes it his business _every_ single time to invite himself inside and hang out with Kozume right then and there. Which would be fine, really, if he did it when Kageyama wasn’t there—except he _never_ does that. In fact, most of the time he actively acknowledges Kageyama’s presence before continuing to take up their couch and challenge Kozume to a round of Super Smash Bros.

And it doesn’t help that he’s just _so goddamn loud_ , _all the time_. He’s constantly jumping around, yelling, chattering on and on about whatever the hell it is he even talks about to an almost unresponsive Kozume (“You should’ve been there, Kenma!” “I was like _woooosh_ and it was _so_ awesome!” “You’ll never believe what happened in class the other day!” “Kenma, guess what I saw on the way over!”). It seems impossible that someone as quiet and reserved as Kozume can get along so well with someone as bubbly and obnoxious and _loud_ and _annoying_ as him, and yet here they are, getting along just fine. Sometimes he even manages to coax Kozume into laughing—which is a feat, considering he shows positive emotions almost less than Kageyama does.

Kageyama guesses he’s one of the only people Kozume can stand being around for more than ten minutes—minus that one dark haired guy that looks like he never brushes his goddamn hair and a few others here and there—because he comes over pretty often. “Pretty often” meaning, like, every two days, always without knocking, always with loud footsteps and a louder voice, always always _always_.

Kageyama hates it.

Or, at least, he thinks he does, until suddenly he’s not there anymore. A week goes by during October when the kid doesn’t visit once. Kozume’s gone more that week too, but he doesn’t have the same air of quiet happiness around him when he gets back like he normally does when he goes out with the guy. Kageyama considers asking about it, but decides that that sounds a little creepy, honestly—he’s never talked to the kid (he doesn’t even remember his _name_ ), and he’s not friends with Kozume, so it would be stupid to ask or seem worried. He chalks it down to schoolwork and busy schedules and general college life and that’s that.

When two weeks go by, though, he can’t keep the festering worry from bubbling up, not when Kozume’s been more solemn lately too. One night, while his roommate is lying on his bed reading a magazine, Kageyama eating take-out on the couch, the air uncomfortably thick, he speaks between his ramen-heavy mouth, forcing out the words, choppy and awkward on his tongue, “That kid hasn’t come around in a while.”

It’s an observation, and Kageyama figures that’s better than a question, though the unspoken one sits there waiting for a response while his roommate glances up from his magazine. “What kid?”

“The redhead. Short. Too loud to be normal.”

Kozume looks down again. “Oh.” He flips a page, palm pressed to his cheek with his elbow digging into the mattress. “You mean Shouyou.”

Kageyama nods stiffly. They don’t talk much. “Yeah.” When Kozume doesn’t go on, he presses, “Why’s he not been around? You two fight or something?”

“No, nothing like that. Hinata’s just been busy.”

“Busy?”

“He joined a club. Or something. He’s been busy.”

That seems to end the conversation, so Kageyama finishes his meal and leaves the dorm, throwing some sort of excuse about going to the library over his shoulder at his apathetic roommate. There comes no response, but he hadn’t been waiting for one.

Hinata Shouyou.

He repeats the name quietly to himself so he’ll remember this time.

 

\--

 

Kageyama doesn’t go to the library.

Instead, he spends the night walking around town; it’s a nice night, and he’s still not used to the area. He’d originally lived in Miyagi, but moved out here for college—which was expected, but nonetheless unwanted. He’d never been much for people, and he’d never had any real friends in high school to accompany him here, so he was pretty much on his own. He’d been quietly hoping to make friends this semester, but he was never good at that sort of thing, so he didn’t try.

The streets aren’t very crowded around this time, so the walk is pleasant, as far as a walk to avoid having to interact with your roommate any more can actually be. He debates calling his mom to check up on her; she’s never had to deal with his absence until now, since he’s an only child who stayed home most of his adolescent life, and with his dad being out of town for a few months for work she must be lonely. But he resides to no, better not; he doesn’t have the energy right now to have a conversation with her. He heads back to his dorm. Kozume isn’t there.

The next week passes uneventfully; school keeps Kageyama busy most of the time, and he doesn’t notice that Hinata still hasn’t visited. Kozume’s mood seems to be back to normal, so he guesses he shouldn’t care anymore.

Except. He _does_. Which is stupid, and he really, really shouldn’t, because it’s none of his business and he’s never even had a proper conversation with the guy. But he cares. And it’s _frustrating him_ , because there’s no casual way to ask about why his roommate’s friend has been absent without it becoming clear that he cares. Kozume wouldn’t say anything about the fact that he’s obviously hung up about it, but he’d think it, and Kageyama’s ego won’t allow that to happen.

So he suffers in silence (and suffering is, decidedly, the best verb for that, because _since when has he noticed shit like this and since when has he been so curious about stuff that clearly shouldn’t matter?_ ), for another two weeks, before he wakes up, one Saturday morning, to the sound of an overly boisterous greeting.

Kageyama’s still half asleep when he hears the undeniably familiar, “KENMA!” and the sound of a door (their door) being thrown open too harshly and slammed into the wall behind it.

The kid is talking a mile a minute, and when Kageyama blinks himself awake, he sees that he’s got Kozume in a death grip, hugging him in a rare display of affection. He’s the only person Kageyama has ever seen to get physical with Kozume, but that is not his main concern right now.

“What the _hell_?!”

Hinata blinks and turns to him, but he doesn’t let go of the other. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“ _Damn right_ , you did!”

He glances at the clock. It’s still in the AM, and he doesn’t have class for another three hours, and he didn’t go to sleep until four AM, and he is _pissed_. The kid is just sort of laughing and ignoring him and going back to conversation with Kozume; Kageyama’s half thankful that he’s back after his weird absence and half pissed at himself for ever being worried in the first place, because this is the absolute _worst_ jesus fucking christ why did he ever want the guy back here.

“I’m sorry, Kageyama,” Kozume says, voice soft as always and looking like he’s genuinely apologetic. That calms Kageyama down a little, but Hinata’s dragging the other away and out the door and there’s no way in hell he’s going to be able to fall back asleep again now.

The door slams on accident on their way out. He flops back on the bed and groans.

 

\--

 

A week later, he gets back from class just in time to find Hinata standing at their dorm room door, scrolling through something on his phone. His head is down, so he doesn’t notice Kageyama until the other barks out a (harsher than intended), “Oi.”

His head snaps up to look at him, and, once he realizes who it is, he wrinkles his nose.

Kageyama frowns at the action, momentarily forgetting he was going to ask something. “ _What_?”

“You got here before Kenma,” Hinata explains, typing one last thing on his phone before shoving it into his back pocket.

“What are you even doing here?”

“Me and Kenma are going to dinner!” He smiles, wide. “And he told me to wait in your room, but it was locked, and I don’t have a key or anything, so I was just gonna wait out here until he got finished with class. But I guess you beat him.”

The obviously disappointed expression he makes at that makes Kageyama get a little defensive, because, what’s wrong with him? Then it just sort of annoys him, so he huffs, and scowls, and reluctantly gets his key out to unlock the door. Hinata follows him inside. He’s still scowling.

Hinata kicks his shoes off at the doorway and sits down on Kozume’s bed like he owns the place. Kageyama rolls his eyes and throws his keys on his desk, prepared to take a much-needed nap. He’s tired from class and now probably more annoyed than he really needs to be. He’s fully planning on going straight to sleep.

And he knows that Hinata isn’t quiet—that much he’s gathered from all the time he’s been forced to spend with him—but he hadn’t been aware the kid would want to make _small talk_.

“What’s it like rooming with Kenma?”

Kageyama has to think for a moment before he realizes just who “Kenma” is. He kicks his shoes off and throws his jacket on his desk’s chair. “Fine.”

The redhead hums like he’s displeased with the answer. “Just ‘fine’?”

“Fine.”

“Geez, _you’re_ no fun to talk to at _allll_ ,” he mumbles.

“Hey!”

Hinata backs up at the look he receives, putting his hands up in front of him, and stuttering something about wanting to fight. Kageyama looks away hurriedly. Apparently the face he’d made is more threatening than he’d intended, but it’s difficult to not get defensive over a comment like that.

They both don’t say anything for a moment. He lies on his bed and thinks he’s finally going to get sleep.

“I was just wondering,” Hinata starts again, and Kageyama groans internally.

“Wondering _what?_ ”

“What it’s like rooming with Kenma.”

“I already told you.”

“’Fine’ doesn’t tell me anything and you know it.”

“Why didn’t you room with him if you want to know so badly?” Kageyama mumbles, only half sarcastically. The other half is grudging curiosity.

“I wasn’t friends with him before classes started.”

He’s maybe less tired now. “…You weren’t?”

“Uh-uh. Met him in Sociology class.” There’s a grin in his voice.

Kageyama finds it hard to imagine that Kozume has gotten _that_ close to someone, especially someone like Hinata, that easily. It’s November, but Hinata has been coming over to their dorm since September, at least. How had he gotten Kozume to open up so quickly?

“…And you two are friends.”

“Of course!”

The door opens and the topic of their conversation walks in, interrupting whatever response Kageyama was going to have to bullshit. Kenma blinks at Hinata on his bed, but doesn’t comment on it as the other jumps up and rushes to get his shoes on.

“We were just talking about you!” Hinata says, grinning, and Kageyama kind of feels like suffocating him with his pillow, because he definitely is _not_ supposed to tell Kozume that.

The blond’s expression doesn’t change, but he glances at Kageyama. “Were you.”

Kageyama feels he needs to defend himself. “Hinata wanted to know what rooming with you is like.”

“He didn’t help at all,” Hinata supplies helpfully, and changes the conversation to something else as he ushers Kozume out the door.

Kageyama lies down to nap and finds he can’t fall asleep.


	2. drop our anchors in a storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think he’s hot?”
> 
> “Oh my god!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> multiple things:
> 
> **1.** update schedule is probs gonna b tuesday + thursday and mmmaybe weekends, and then after that just whenever i have inspiration lmao. so basically what i did w/ chip. 
> 
> **2.** i barely kno enough abt american universities to write this, let alone anything abt japanese universities, and i wld rather not butcher the story trying to make it fit w/ japans culture (since i know p much Nothing) so just pretend that for some goddamn reason the education system is the same as the us ok
> 
> **3.** probs gonna have 10 chapters? maybe more if i change my mind later. the plot is rlly casual. also: switching povs
> 
> bg kuroken, tsukkiyama, and yachi/shimizu (idk their ship name???) but idk if i shld tag them???

Hinata Shouyou’s roommate is, to say the least, _annoying_.

Which is surprising coming from him, because he’s normally the one being called out for being obnoxious and too loud. His grudge against his roommate maybe has to do something with the fact that the guy is so damn _tall_ , but he digresses.

Lev Haiba isn’t a _bad_ guy, see, he’s just…He takes up a lot of space. And he talks a lot. And Hinata likes talking, and they have nice conversations, and it wouldn’t be that annoying having to look up just to say hello—if it weren’t for the fact that Lev _always_ points it out. He’s fine being in his dorm most of the time, but sometimes he just kind of wants to get out. Hinata’s not a clean person, so he really can’t judge Lev for the mess he makes, but he’s not used to small spaces, and he doesn’t like feeling crowded, so he tends to avoid staying in their dorm for too long.

It’s a good thing he’s got friends here then; most of his time is spent with Nishinoya and Tanaka (when they aren’t too busy dicking around), Yachi (when she isn’t with her new girlfriend), or Yamaguchi (if he’s got the time). Recently, he’d become pretty good friends with Kenma, and he’s most often available, which leaves plenty of time for them to hang out, thank God.

The only issue there is Kenma’s roommate.

Hinata doesn’t have a lot of issues with Kageyama, except that he’s grumpy, and kind of scary, and always glares at him when he shows up, and okay maybe he _does_ have issues with him. Hinata kind of gets the vibe that the guy hates him—and while normally he knows when he isn’t wanted and would act accordingly, he feels like he has to prove something to Kageyama, and therefore ends up staying at Kenma’s dorm purposefully when his roommate is there, just to feel like he’s winning whatever it is he’s supposed to be winning.

(It also maybe helps that Kageyama is kind of really attractive.)

So that’s how he ends up playing Smash Bros in Kenma’s dorm pretty much every Saturday night. He can feel Kageyama’s annoyance at his presence rolling off of him in waves, all in Hinata’s direction, but he pointedly ignores the glare at the back of his head and talks louder.

Yachi thinks he’s crazy, because why would he purposefully upset someone as scary as Kageyama? (“I have Bio seminar with him,” she explains, when he asks how she even knows who he is.) He ignores her, up until she gasps loudly and thumps him on the chest in excitement.

Hinata _oofs_ and opens his mouth to complain about how hard she hit him when she says, much too loud for the restaurant they’re in, “You _like_ him!”

Confusion and then realization, accompanied by his face heating up much too noticeably. “Geez, Yacchan! What makes you think _that_?”

She’s grinning, looking like she knows something he doesn’t. People are looking at them from her exclamation, but Hinata ignores them. “Why elsewould you want to be around him?”

“I don’t wanna be around him.” He gives her a look.

She gives him one in turn. “You just said you did.”

“No, I mean—just, like, not that I wanna be _around_ him!“ He searches fort he right words, hands flying as he talks. “Just—just that I feel like I’ve gotta beat him at—whatever this is, that’s all! If I backed down and stopped coming to see Kenma just ‘cause he’s scary, I’d feel like I’m losing to him!”

“Is he hot.”

It’s not a question. “What?”

“Is. He. Hot,” she repeats. She looks dead serious. “Do you think he’s hot?”

“Oh my god!”

Her serious expression cracks just a little, letting a small grin poke through. “C’mon, just answer me, Sho!”

Hinata covers his hands with his face embarrassedly, leaning back in the booth. He doesn’t feel like discussing _this_ in public, especially since they’re drawing attention to themselves by talking probably really too loud. Yachi doesn’t take no for an answer though, and she leans over the table and pries his hands away from his face.

“C’mooon, Sho, it’s not hard to answer!” She gives him a triumphant look. “Unless you like him.”

“Oh my god, I do NOT like him!”

Someone coughs loudly from the table next to them, a mother with a toddler giving him a pointed look, and he lowers his voice just a little.

“I don’t like him, Yachi!”

“You’re not answering the quuuestion,” she sings.

He stares at her for a moment, and they engage in a brief staring contest before he blinks first (“Ha! I win!”) and finally gives in. “ _Yes_ , I think he’s hot, but what’s that even got to do with anything?”

“You wanna be around him because he’s hot.”

“No!” The mother coughs again, louder this time. He amends, in a whisper, “ _No,_ that’s not why I—!”

“So you admit you want to be around him.”

He throws his head back and groans.

 

\--

 

Hinata offers to walk Yachi back to her dorm after their dinner date, but she declines with an apology, saying she’s meeting Shimizu in a bit. Hinata smiles and jumps at the chance to tease his friend about her crush; even though Yachi and Shimizu had gone on a few dates, they weren’t _officially_ girlfriends yet. For all Yachi liked to tease him about his love life, she got ridiculously flustered herself whenever he brought the older girl up (which, of course, meant he brought it up as often as possible).

He’s left to walk back to his dorm alone, where he’s greeted to an empty room. He’s confused for a moment, because Lev doesn’t normally leave without telling him, but he checks his phone and finds a text he’d missed earlier, from Lev, saying that he would be staying at a friend’s house that night, and not to miss him too much.

Hinata feelslike he should be happy that he’s got the dorm to himself for once, but he’s surprisingly lonely. It’s quiet, and he gets about twenty minutes of studying done before he passes out on his desk.

He wakes up a couple hours later to his phone buzzing.

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            sho!!!! ull never guess what happened!!!!!!

 

Yawning, he sits up, and finds that it’s only nine PM, having been seven when he fell asleep. He has a few other messages, one of which is from Kenma, asking if he’s finished the game he’d loaned Hinata yet, and another from his little sister. He sends Kenma a response and settles to respond to Natsu later.

 

            **From:** Hinta

**To** : Yacchan

 

            is it s/t 2 do w/ shimizu-san? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

            **From:** Yacchan

            **To** : Hinata

 

            //// aHhahdfadfk youre supposed to guess!!

 

            **From** : Hinata

            **To** : Yacchan

 

            ahhhhh idk did u guys finally kiss?? ;)

 

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            NO!!!

 

            although that would be……….anyway

 

            no, it doesn’t have to do with shimizu!

 

**From** : Hinata

**To** : Yacchan

 

            then what??????

 

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            i ran into kageyama-kun on the way home ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

 

            **From** : Hinata

            **To** : Yacchan

 

            omg r u STILL going on abt that????? i thought u said he was scary n e way!!!!!!!

 

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            i mean hes not THAT scary. i actually got to talk to him and he seemed pretty nice! kind of awkward, but i already knew that.

 

**From** : Hinata

**To** : Yacchan

 

            hes a jerk

 

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            awwww cmon sho!!!

 

**From** : Hinata

**To** : Yacchan

 

            i already told u he always tries to kick me out whenever im at kenmas and hes scary and tall and a jerk and i dont like him <(｀^´)>

 

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            …….a hot jerk…….

 

**From** : Hinata

**To** : Yacchan

 

            YACHI!!!!!!

 

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            IM JUST SAYING!!

 

**From** : Hinata

**To** : Yacchan

 

            uuuughhhhh i hav 2 go. i have a lab report due 2mrrw that i havnt finished

 

**From** : Yacchan

**To** : Hinata

 

            ok but this convo isnt over mister!!!!

 

Hinata sends her a snapchat of him sticking his tongue out childishly and settles down to finish his work.

 

\--

 

Kenma doesn’t get excited about most things, but he lights up (as much as he _can_ light up) when talking about video games, so that’s mostly the reason Hinata bothered borrowing a game from him in the first place. He doesn’t usually have time to play, not unless the two are together, but he finds time every now and then, before he goes to bed or if he’s waiting in a long line. It’s fun, for the most part, but he’s more interested in making his friend happy.

They text a lot, mostly Hinata sending long strings of text and pictures of things he thought were interesting, dogs he saw on his way to class or the result of an experiment they did in Chemistry, and Kenma sends him snapchats back sometimes, usually with only half his face in the frame, often with his dorm room’s walls as the background, sometimes wrapped in a blanket, sometimes with Kageyama in the frame if he’s not paying attention.

Sometimes Kenma’s boyfriend, Kuroo, steals his phone and ends up sending Hinata snapchats, all of Kenma when the younger isn’t paying attention, staring at his phone or eating breakfast in the cafeteria. Hinata’s sort of intimidated by his friend’s boyfriend, but he thinks the two are cute together, and he likes the snaps he receives when Kuroo steals his phone, so he keeps any complaints to himself.

The only issue is that then he feels a bit like a third wheel when Kuroo is around, which is more often these days. Sometimes he’ll invite Kenma somewhere only to find that Kuroo is tagging along too—and that’s not _bad_ , it’s just that…he feels like he’s intruding, even if he’s the one who initiated the outing. Yachi’s surprisingly busy most of the time, and he’s not bothered to introduce any of his other friends to Kenma yet, so, to avoid putting Kenma in an uncomfortable situation, he ends up third wheeling, much to his dismay.

It’s one of those few times (wherein he really, _really_ doesn’t want to be alone with just those two, because he had just spent _all_ day hearing Yachi talk about Shimizu and their date, and dealt with Tsukishima making snide comments at him while he tried to talk to Yamaguchi, like he was doing something wrong by socializing with the freckled boy) that he happens to make a split second decision and invite Kageyama.

They’re still at Kenma’s dorm, and Kuroo is there, and they’re getting ready to leave, and Hinata can’t back out because they’re _right there and getting ready to leave_ , and Kageyama just so happens to be doing jack shit nothing, and he blurts out, loud and overenthusiastic to mask his nerves, “You should come with us!”

This earns him two confused looks, one from Kageyama and one from Kenma, while Kuroo shrugs, unaware of why that was an odd request.

The junior turns to Kageyama, an arm thrown over his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Sure. You feel like coming?”

Hinata can feel Kenma giving him a look from behind him, but he’s too busy staring at the wall and hoping his face isn’t as red as it feels. He hadn’t meant to offer that at all, but he’s still reluctant to be alone with the couple, and at this point even Kenma’s jerk of a roommate is better than being stuck with those two, alone, all damn night.

“Uh…” Kageyama clearly isn’t sure how to respond. His mouth is kind of hanging open, like he forgot what he was going to say, and he’s still holding the laundry he had just been doing, and he’s literally still in his pajamas.

As a last ditch effort, Hinata gives him a look, trying to convey silently, _please for the love of god don’t leave me alone with them I’m begging you please just say yes._

He can’t tell if it got across or not, but the other boy looks away and snaps, “Fine, yeah, just give me a moment to get ready.”

Hinata isn’t sure whether to sigh in relief or freak the fuck out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> formatting is stupid
> 
> next chap: mmMMM kuroken/kagehina awkward double date that neither kno is a double date lma o


	3. behind my eyelids when i'm all alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People shouldn’t listen to heartbeats on advice of what to do, he thinks, sinking into an unoccupied bench and brushing drops of water off it, leftover from the rain earlier that day. People shouldn’t listen to heartbeats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usually i update monday night (so yall read it on tuesday morning/afternoon) and wednesday night (thursday morning/afternoon) but i had a project due today so i had to wait until tonight to finish this chap  
> this is Decidedly Less Fluffy and Hilarious than originalyl planned bc my fingers slipped and suddenly Anxiety
> 
> for some reason i love kags w/ anxiety so tw for brief, kinda vague anxiety attack at one point
> 
> **also!** next week will be sporadic for updating bc i have break all week, so ill probably be updating quicker since ill have more time to write. so if my tuesday/thursday/saturday schedule gets Out of Wack, that's why, but it'll b back to normal after next week

There are exactly zero redeeming qualities to this situation, and Kageyama literally has no one else to blame but himself.

It was _weird_ , to say the least, for Hinata to invite him, but even weirder still for him to have agreed to it at all. He doesn’t like Hinata, and he doesn’t even like Kozume (not to mention he doesn’t even _know_ Kuroo). He doesn’t usually like going out, and he definitely would rather be at home right now. Hinata must know that he’s considering faking sick to leave, because he gives Kageyama a look that all but screams _don’t leave me here by myself._

Kageyama frowns but doesn’t say anything, and he’s stuck to sit in the back of Kuroo’s car with Hinata, Kozume in the passenger seat. This is stupid. It’s only been ten minutes and he’s already regretting this.

The car ride is awkward and silent, up until Hinata decides to start talking, and then he’s going on about something with Kozume, so it’s the same as at their dorm except in a considerably smaller place. Kuroo’s car is small, so Hinata’s knee keeps bumping Kageyama’s. He jitters back a little, not happy with the physical contact, but if Hinata notices, he doesn’t comment on it.

Kuroo asks something about if they’ve decided on their major yet, and when neither Hinata or Kageyama answer with a yes, he sort of laughs at that, saying something about freshmen. Kozume’s on his phone, and tells Kuroo that he really can’t be saying anything, considering he switched majors twice already, and they’re conveniently pulling into the restaurant’s parking lot at that.

“Aaaaand we’re here.” Kuroo parks, and they file out of the car, Hinata taking too long to let Kageyama out because he’s just standing there and stretching (and, _no,_ Kageyama does _not_ look at the hem of Hinata’s shirt).

Hinata’s back to talking to Kozume, loud and excited. Kageyama pinches the bridge of his nose while Kuroo gives him a look. This is. Going to be a long night.

 

\--

 

He’s right.

It’s _very_ long, but at least everyone looks just as uncomfortable as Kageyama feels. Hinata alternates between clinging to Kozume and clinging to him, and he sees the redhead making a face at something Kuroo says. Kozume isn’t an outwardly affection person, and he’s never the one to instigate any sort of “couple-y” situation, but Kuroo seems to like to annoy him by being overly loving in public, swinging their hands when they walk and kissing him on the cheek. And it isn’t… _gross_ , or anything, because Kageyama is a big boy who’s unfortunately gotten used to PDA, but it does feel like he’s interrupting something, especially when their conversation turns quiet and a little more secretive, so that Kageyama and Hinata can’t hear it. He grimaces.

On the bright side, Hinata maybe looks like he wants to change the subject to literally _anything_ but romance stuff, and he’s fortunately (or unfortunately, take your pick) good at switching the conversation to how school is going or something stupid he saw on TV the other day. Kozume shushes him when they walk into the restaurant, because he’s being much too loud for public, and Hinata stage whispers “sorry!”, but he’s still smiling.

This is horribly, _horribly_ awkward.

Kageyama makes a quiet prayer to… _whoever_ the hell, asking that this go smoother than how he’s anticipating it will. To be fair, though, he’s the one that got himself into this situation, so maybe he doesn’t quite deserve mercy when it comes to the uncomfortably thick silence that falls when they sit down, or the way Hinata shifts next to him and ends up brushing their calves together for a moment too long, or the crack in his voice when he orders a water once the waitress comes by. He grimaces, visibly.

Kozume is looking at him calmly, like he always does, with too focused eyes and a vaguely bored expression, and it makes Kageyama self-conscious all of the sudden. It’s too hot in the booth, Hinata is too close, it’s too quiet, and he should’ve just said no to tagging along, goddammit, why does this always happen to him?

(And that’s not even a valid question, honestly, because this _doesn’t_ happen to him, not normally, because he’s never invited out and—oh, yeah, this is _why_ he’s never invited out. God. He wants to go home and go to sleep, and it’s not even eight o’clock yet.)

Another lull in conversation. Their waitress drops their drinks off. Kuroo gets up to go to the bathroom, and Kozume follows a moment after. The moment they’re out of ear shot, Kageyama turns to Hinata. “What the _hell_ —“

“I really, really, really, really, REALLY didn’t want to be alone with them,” he explains, before Kageyama is even done asking the question. “I’m sorry! It’s just! We were leaving and I couldn’t cancel last second like that because I still wanted to see Kenma and you were just _there_ not doing anything, and it’s not like you couldn’t have said no!”

Kageyama takes a deep breath. “ _No,_ you idiot, I really couldn’t!”

Hinata gives him a look. “I mean, you could’ve just been like, oh, sorry, I’m too tired tonight or something, I mean—not that I’m not glad that you came, or anything, because this is still better than being alone with them, but…”

“And how exactly is this any better?”

He shrugs and gives a small, sheepish grin. “I’m not suffering alone now?” It comes out like a question.

“Oh my god.”

“I’m sorry!” And then, under his breath, “okay, I’m not _really_ sorry, but…”

“I’m leaving.” He tries to move to get up from the table, but Hinata is on the outside seat, blocking him.

“We took Kuroo’s car here, you don’t even have a ride home!”

“I can _get_ a ride, now move.”

“What, and just say that you ditched?”

Kageyama stares at him. “Yes.”

Seeing that he’s serious, Hinata groans. “No, okay, this isn’t—this isn’t gonna be as bad as you think it is, okay? Just— _please_ don’t leave me here, for the love of God.”

They look at each other for a moment, neither saying anything. Finally, he deadpans, “No,” and pushes to try to get past Hinata and out from the table.

Unfortunately, Hinata has an advantage already, and he pushes back, until they’re half-wrestling in the booth and Kageyama can feel the family sitting a table away staring at them. He needsto leave. It feels like everyone is looking at him, and his skin is on fire, and he would literally rather do anything but stay here a moment longer.

“Let me out.” His teeth are clenched, and it comes out sounding kind of like a bark. Hinata visibly retracts at the words (dammit, it hadn’t mean to sound like a threat, he isn’t trying to _scare_ the guy—), but he sticks his chin out defiantly and spreads his arms out, from the table to the back of the seat.

“You already agreed to this, you jerk, you can’t back out now!”

Kageyama’s skin is still crawling. His hands are on fire. “I _need to leave_.”

“What?”

Hinata must realize something from the look on his face, because he lets his arms fall and gives up the half-wrestling match they’d been having, and he does nothing to stop Kageyama from climbing out past him and all but running outside.

A worker gives him an odd look as he’s leaving, and that doesn’t help much. He swings the door open and barely hears it slam behind him.

 

\--

 

It’s cold outside, being November, and he left his jacket back in the restaurant, but there’s no way he’s going back to get it now that he’s left. His hands are still shaking.

He wants to bury himself in the ground, just a little, and not come out until he’s back to normal, but his heartbeat isn’t telling him to do that—in fact, it’s not doing much but telling him to run. But that’s stupid, because there’s nothing to run from now, because he’s left the restaurant, and the downtown of the city is cold and bright with lights and just as full of strangers. People shouldn’t listen to heartbeats on advice of what to do, he thinks, sinking into an unoccupied bench and brushing drops of water off it, leftover from the rain earlier that day. People shouldn’t listen to heartbeats.

But he did, and he still is, and his hands feel just a little less warm, even as they continue to shake. He presses fingers into his temple and leans his head over his knees. The sky is dark. It’s supposed to start getting below freezing soon, which means a chance of snow.

Kageyama wrinkles his nose subconsciously. He hates snow.

7:33 is what his phone’s clock reads, and he shoves his phone back into his pocket with a huff. He’s been outside for ten minutes, and yet he’s still not calmed down all the way.

“Stupid,” he mumbles, pressing a hand to his chest like that’ll make his racing heartbeat slow down. “Calm down. You’re fine. It wasn’t even a big deal anyway.”

He guesses he can’t _really_ complain about what happened though. He managed to ditch them, at least. He’d only been with them for a whole of twenty minutes, and it had felt significantly too intimate. He doesn’t particularly like Kozume, and he definitely doesn’t like Hinata, mostly because the whole thing was his damn fault.

Because of that, Kageyama doesn’t have a jacket, and he doesn’t have a ride home; all he has is his damn heartbeat and shaking hands.

 

\--

 

Hinata comes to his dorm the following morning.

The moment he swings the door open and realizes who it is, he’s already sighing in annoyance and saying, “Kozume’s out right now,” but Hinata stops him at that with an, “I know.”

He gives the smaller a look. “You know?”

Hinata nods. He’s holding something behind his back. “Yeah, I know. He told me he was going out, which is why I came over now.”

“What.”

His cheeks puff out in annoyance, just a little, looking like an upset child with a frown on his face. He looks away. “I came to see _you_ , stupid.”

“…What?”

Kageyama doesn’t mean to just stand there and stare at him, but he does, because literally why the hell would Hinata be coming here to see him? He scowls. “If it’s about last night—“

“It is, but, hold on!” Hinata puts his hand out, the other still behind his back, like he’s expecting Kageyama to slam the door in his face, and is bracing to hold it open regardless. “It’s…kind of important? I think so, anyway. Can you let me in?”

“No.”

Hinata frowns. “Why not?”

Kageyama glances behind him. There’s no actual reason Hinata can’t come inside; he’s just being difficult, because he doesn’t like the redhead, and he’s sort of half hoping this will keep him from having to have this conversation. He doesn’t want to talk about last night with anyone, let alone with _Hinata_.

“I’ve seen your mess a million times,” the other boy points out. “Please just let me in! It’s important, and I don’t wanna have this conversation in the middle of the hallway.” He looks down, face a little pink like he’s embarrassed. “Your neighbors are kind of scary.”

Kageyama stares at him for a moment, thinking it over. As an afterthought, Hinata adds, “And I won’t make a habit of comin’ here for you, so this is a one-time-thing.”

It takes another few seconds of mulling it over before he finally sighs heavily and steps back. “Fine. One time.”

Hinata smiles and bounds into the dorm like he owns the place—and it sometimes feels like he does. “Thanks, Kageyama!”

He doesn’t respond to Hinata’s thank you, instead closing the door and crossing his arms over his chest, hoping he just looks impatient and not nervous. He doesn’t like confrontation, and he doesn’t like being alone with people, especially right now. He hopes, for once, that he looks threatening, and not scared.

“What is it,” he asks, but it doesn’t come out as a question.

Hinata nods and pulls out what was behind his back to reveal Kageyama’s jacket, the one he’d left at the restaurant. He shoves it in the taller’s hands. “I think you forgot it last night, and I wanted…” He pauses.

Kageyama frowns but takes it. “You didn’t need to come all the way here to give it to me, dumbass. You could’ve asked Kenma to take it.”

“I wanted to do it,” he explains while meeting Kageyama’s eyes, firm and determined.

“Why?”

“Because I also need to apologize and…stuff.” The eye contact ends as he loses his certainty. “I think I pushed you a bit too much and I shouldn’t’ve done that, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were actually _that_ uncomfortable being there, otherwise I wouldn’t have insisted you stay, ya know? I thought it was just, like,” he makes a vague hand motion, “mild discomfort and not…”

_What, are you trying to say ‘anxiety’?_ Kageyama frowns, still holding the jacket in his hands. He tosses it onto his bed behind him and shrugs. “Okay.”

“…What?”

“I said okay.”

Hinata scowls. “How am I supposed to know what just ‘ _okay_ ’ means?”

“It means okay. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“…So you forgive me?”

He frowns again, but nods. Hinata splits into a grin at that. “Cool!”

“So is that all you wanted?”

“Oh.” The grin falls just a little. “Yeah, that’s all. Sorry for barging in so suddenly and stuff,” he says, already making his way to the door. Kageyama nods for lack of anything else to respond with.

“One time thing,” he reminds Hinata, and Hinata presses a finger to his nose.

“One time thing,” he agrees, and the door shuts behind him.

 

\--

 

It is not, decidedly, a one time thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chap: hinata pov w/ the scene that is literally half the reason i wanted to write this fic (u shall c.........u shall C......what i mean by that.....and hopefulyl u will love it as much as i,m gonna love it)


	4. catch me like a cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re being really nice to me.”
> 
> Silence, and then, a mumbled, embarrassed, “Shut up.”
> 
> Hinata laughs.
> 
> The atmosphere changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TRIGGER WARNING:** dysphoria, implied homophobia and mentions of transphobia (theres the use of the word f*gg*t at one point, so b careful if that triggers u!), allusions to a past suicide attempt and past physical assault. those r the only things i can think of to tag for, but if u find anything else, tell me and ill add them!
> 
> if u just want to skip the parts w/ f*g and the implied past suicide attempt, skip over from _“Calm down,” he tells himself in the mirror_ to, _His mom cried a lot.)_
> 
> sorry this is later than i said it would be :0 on the bright side, trans hinata! and almost twice the size of a normal chapter!!
> 
> im so sorry i just keep throwin lev under the bus here but like lets b real hed b an annoying roommate (to b fair, hinata wld b too, u jst dont get to c that in this fic bc its hina + kag pov)

Hinata Shouyou is, as of currently, locked outside of his own dorm.

He left his key in his bag, which is probably (hopefully) sitting unattended on his bed, inside the room he’s standing outside of, and even if he had it, he isn’t quite sure he would want to be using it right now. Lev had mentioned he was having someone over tonight, one of Kuroo’s friends that he’d met through association and had hit it off with, but he hadn’t mentioned it was going to be, uh… _that_.

Not even bothering to knock (the noise is enough to ward him away; he prays their neighbors don’t get on his case about it later), he turns around to walk down the hall and pulls his phone out.

 

**From:** Hinata

**To** : Yacchan

 

            yachi!!!! help!!!!

 

When that heeds no response, he keeps sending her texts, in hopes that she’ll finally check her phone. It’s only been a few minutes, but Hinata is not patient; he’s getting restless, standing at the end of his hallway and texting furiously, but he’s not got anywhere to go until she responds. He’s glad the halls are empty right now.

 

**From:** Hinata

**To** : Yacchan

 

            im locked outta my dorm room and im SO tired buttttt i dont hav anywhere to go :(

           

yacchhhhiiiiiiii

           

cmmoooooooonnnnnn

           

oh wait

           

ur on ur date with shimizu-san arent u

           

arrrGHH

           

ugh ok im gonna call kenma and hope that he picks up

           

since ur NO help

           

(im joking ily)

           

(…….or am i)

           

(ok anyway)

 

He lets the phone ring a total of nine times before he finally groans and hangs up; Kenma doesn’t usually answer his phone calls, but he’ll text back sometimes. Hinata messages him, saying pretty much the same thing he said to Yachi. Kenma not responding within five minutes of a text either means he’s playing Love Live or he’s not got his phone with him; either way, there is, once again, no response.

“ _Serious_ ly?” He’s frustrated now, because he really _is_ tired, and he’s getting twitchy just standing there, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, bouncing his knees and staring at his phone as if to will his friends to respond, before finally deciding on a course of action. Kenma hadn’t mentioned he was going anywhere tonight, so maybe he’s just in his dorm and fell asleep? It’s kind of late, and the blond can be bad about impromptu naps, especially when he’s had a late class.

Of course, he could’ve just not told Hinata about his plans, which is a possibility, but it’s the only thing he can think to do right now. He’ll just have to hope for the best.

Hinata remembers he has a report to finish before midnight, and, at the realization, curses to himself. He breaks into a half-run.

 

\--

 

Kageyama answers the door still in his pajamas, and Hinata is sure he looks like a total idiot, half-panting from sprinting to their dorm and still covered head to toe in his coat and scarf from being outside. He takes the scarf off, suddenly aware of just how warm it is in the building, and asks, before Kageyama can get a word out, “Is Kenma here?”

The taller stares at him for a moment, looking him up and down with eyebrows furrowed, like he’s annoyed just at Hinata’s presence—which he probably is. Kageyama always seems annoyed around Hinata. “Why are you panting?”

“I ran here,” he brushes the question off. “Now where’s Kenma?”

“Out.”

“Out? Out where?”

“How should I know?” Kageyama glares, but Hinata can’t find it in himself to be scared by the facial expression right now, no matter how frightened he’d be normally. Instead, he runs his hands down his face and groans (loudly) in frustration He makes himself not stomp his foot like a little kid, even though he really, _really_ wants to.

“Are you _kidding_ me? Ahhhggg, Lev really needs to give me more of a heads up—!” He shuffles nervously. It’s already nine, but he has his laptop bag with him; maybe he can go down to the library to finish the report and then, once Yachi is out from her date, he can sleep over at her place…? She might have some extra clothes for him to wear from all the times he’s come over, and he wouldn’t have to suffocate himself in his sleep like this, so that would be nice—

“What the hell are you grumbling about?”

He’d almost forgotten he’s still at Kageyama’s door. “Ah, sorry! I just came to see if Kenma was here, ‘cause I left the key to my dorm, and my roommate has someone over, so I was gonna ask if I can crash with him, but since he’s busy, I’ll just…” He makes to back out of the door and leave, already thinking about how long the library will be open for.

“Wait, hold on.”

Hinata turns around in time to see Kageyama trying to pass off the way he’d reached out for Hinata’s elbow as him just running a hand through his hair, looking grumpy and just a little bit conflicted. “You’re locked out of your dorm, but why don’t you just get your roommate to let you in if he’s there already?”

“He’s got someone over.”

“So?”

Does he really not…? “He’s got someone _over_.”

Kageyama continues to look like he doesn’t understand the issue with it. Hinata gives him a look. “Geez, Kageyama, you’re really dense sometimes, you know that?”

“Hey—!”

“He’s got his boyfriend over—or, I don’t know if they’re boyfriends, but, like, they’re definitely not just _friends_ , and anyway, I don’t really wanna hang around my dorm when my roommate is having sex.”

Kageyama blinks at the blunt words. “…Oh.”

“Yeah.” He pulls his phone out again to check if he’s gotten any messages, even though he hadn’t felt any notifications, in vain hope that he’d just missed something. He only finds that, no, still no one has responded, and he slips it back into his pocket dejectedly. “I’ll just—“

“You can stay here.”

At the confused silence the offer receives, Kageyama rushes to amend, “If you need to—or, uh, want to. For however long you need it. Kozume’s not here, but he said he’ll be back later tonight, so…it’s no big deal. I have an extra futon.”

“…You’re _sure_ that’s okay?” Hinata is trying not to make his voice sound too hopeful, but it would be a _lot_ easier for him if the offer is legitimate, and he needs to make sure. “Even though Kenma’s not here? You’re okay with just us?”

“Don’t make it weird,” Kageyama snaps, glaring furiously.

Despite the glare he’s currently receiving, Hinata exhales in relief and lets himself grin. “Thanks, Kageyama! This a big help!”

The taller sighs and steps back to let him in, rolling his eyes like he’s already regretting this decision. “Whatever. Just—don’t be too loud. And don’t _touch_ anything.”

Hinata nods and comes inside, letting the door be closed behind him. He really needs to finish (and on that note, start) that report, so he doubts he’ll be doing much else but that for the next three hours; when he promises that no, he won’t be loud and no, he won’t bother Kageyama, he figures that he’ll follow that promise through at least ninety percent.

 

\--

 

It’s more like seventy percent.

See, Hinata _means_ to spend most of the time to himself (and he does, sort of, because seventy is still considered “most” in his book), but he finishes the report quicker than he’d anticipated, and it dawns on him that he doesn’t have _any_ of his stuff here with him, which means he’ll have to sleep in his current clothes.

And that’s _fine_ , because he’s slept in day clothes before, it’s not that big of a deal.

_Except_.

For the binder part.

Because Hinata knows that sleeping while binding is a shitty, bad thing to do if he doesn’t wanna bruise his ribs (which he doesn’t), but then he’s not sure just how comfortable, if at all, he feels with just. Not. Binding. While Kageyama is there.

He’s been out since middle school, and he started hormones in his third year of high school, so he hasn’t had to out himself to anyone unless absolutely necessary in a long time. Yachi knows, because she’s been his friend since his first year of high school; Lev knows, because they live together; and there’s something about Kenma that makes Hinata feel like he can one hundred percent trust him with pretty much anything, so he’d made the choice to tell Kenma. The news had been received well, which is part of why Hinata had hoped to stay here, since he knew Kenma would understand when he chose to sleep without his binder on.

But he had sort of maybe looked one hundred percent over the fact that _Kageyama_ is there, and _Kageyama_ doesn’t know, and Hinata doesn’t know the man well enough to trust that he won’t be putting himself in danger if he tells the other.

So this sort of leaves him backed into a corner: tell with the risk of something bad happening (not that he thinks Kageyama will _hurt_ him, but he’s gotten worse reactions from people he considered close friends, so he’s more than a little cautious with this) or not tell and sleep in a binder with the risk of something _else_ bad happening.

(It’s scary. Hinata is scared.)

But there’s no way to make sure that Kageyama wouldn’t…react badly, not without taking the risk and flat out saying it, because how is he supposed to ask his opinion on trans people without making it abundantly clear that it’s related to Hinata?

And besides, he isn’t sure he would get a response from that—at least not one that doesn’t involve _I thought you agreed that you weren’t going to bother me_.

Hinata fidgets where he sits at Kenma’s desk, the laptop open to a Word document, full of his report that he _should_ be revising. Instead, he’s watching the cursor blink while it expects him to keep typing, feeling like the room is maybe just a little too small now. Had his lungs hurt a moment ago? Did his back ache this badly? His shirt feels too tight all of the sudden, like it’s trying its hardest to outline the shape of his chest and draw attention to the lines of his body that sets him apart.

He’s only been on testosterone for a year now, and while he passes as cis almost always, he still notices little things like that, still gets teary-eyed at shirts that are too tight and pants that show off his hips. He taps his fingers on the keyboard anxiously, trying to decide what to do. His back hurts really, _really_ badly. He’s been binding for more than twelve hours already, he knows.

“Do you have any pain killers?” Hinata blurts out, turning around to face Kageyama and wincing at how the chair squeaks at the movement.

Kageyama looks up from where he’d been reading a book on his bed, back against the headboard, and nods after a moment of thinking about it. “Yeah. Why?”

“Back pain,” Hinata explains, watching the other bookmark his page and move from the bed, pulling a bottle out of his bedside drawer and tossing it to Hinata, who catches it and feels himself sigh subconsciously. He can’t get the cap off.

Kageyama rolls his eyes with a huff and crosses the room, snatching the bottle from Hinata irritably and twisting the cap off in one smooth movement.

“Here.” He shoves it into the smaller’s hands.

“Oh.” Hinata shakes too tablets into his hands—ignores the way they’re shaking, hopes Kageyama ignores it too. “Thanks.”

“There are some paper cups in the bathroom if you need them,” Kageyama says, more like a grumble than anything else, sitting back down and turning to bury his nose in his book again.

Hinata wishes his hands would relax. He goes to the bathroom and locks the door behind him.

“Calm down,” he tells himself in the mirror, quiet so that the boy in the room over can’t hear him through the door. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. Besides, what’s the worst he could do, if he didn’t take it well?”

Images of a bloody nose, swollen lip, ringing in his ears ( _faggot faggot faggot little girl little girl little girl_ ) flash behind his eyelids, even though his eyes are open. He finches, like someone has raised a hand too quickly.

“Okay, maybe not the best thing to think about,” he mumbles, just a little cynical, and chooses to not think about it, instead filling a paper cup up with water and throwing his head back as he swallows the pills.

( _Faggot faggot faggot_ and the night he took two pain killers and forgot, took four more pain killers and forgot, took six more and forgot, on and on until the bottle was empty and he couldn’t hear anything but blood rushing through his ears and a ringing that might’ve sounded like an ambulance, if ambulances could cry.

“I didn’t mean to,” he said later. “I was just hurting. I was trying to get the pain to stop.”

That’s why they’re called pain killers, right? It made sense, then, to take them, because what else was he supposed to do to make the wrong stop suffocating him? What else was he supposed to do to get it from swallowing up his lungs and stuffing cotton balls in his ears?

His bones ached, his chest ached, his head ached the worst. Migraine medicine, yes. Ibuprofen, yes. Something (anything) to make the pain stop: yes.

“Big brother tried to hurt himself?”

Big brother didn’t try to hurt himself; big brother tried to make the hurt stop.

That’s how he explained it, anyway. His mom cried a lot.)

His phone vibrating once, twice, in his pocket pulls him out of that train of though. It’s from Kenma.

 

**From:** Kenma

**To** : Hinata

 

            sorry, was in a movie. are you okay?

 

**From:** Hinata

**To** : Kenma

 

            yea i went by ur place and kageyama let me come in to stay ovr!!! srry 4 bothering u during a movie lol. is it ok if i sleep here tonight??

 

**From:** Kenma

**To** : Hinata

 

            yeah, that’s fine. i’ll be back in an hour or two.

 

**From:** Hinata

**To** : Kenma

           

            ok!!!! hav fun!!!!!

 

Hinata feels a lot less perky than he sounds over text. His hands aren’t shaking, though, and the medicine should be kicking in soon, so maybe he’ll be able to make it through the night with his binder on? Going one night with his binder on isn’t _that_ big of a deal…

Ugh, except he has class at eight AM tomorrow, which means he’ll get virtually no time with it off, and then before he knows it, he’ll end up having gone almost forty-eight hours with his binder on.

He’ll never hear the end of it if Yachi finds out.

Groaning, Hinata comes to a reluctant decision, before taking about two minutes worth of deep breaths and exiting the bathroom, flicking the light switch off as he leaves.

His expression must be giving him away, because Kageyama looks up from his book and scowls. “What did you do.”

Hinata is distracted from his current objective long enough to be indignant that the other automatically assumed he did something bad. “Hey! I didn’t do anything!”

“If you broke something, I swear to God—“

“I didn’t _break_ anything, you big jerk!” He interrupts, knowing he’s probably pouting and not quite caring at all. He glares, hands on his hips.

“Okay, fine then, dumbass, what did you do?”

“Who’re you calling _dumbass,_ Bakageyama?”

“’Bakageyama’?” Kageyama repeats the name, raising an eyebrow, but Hinata takes the chance to plow on, since he knows they’ll be arguing the rest of the night if he doesn’t.

“I didn’t _do_ anything, I just need to—“ He makes a vague hand motion, a nervous habit. “Tell you. Something.”

The serious tone of his voice catches Kageyama’s attention, and he lets his scowl go to a frown, still grumpy but more attentive. “Okay.”

Hinata takes that as affirmative to continue. He shuffles his feet where he stands, uncomfortable with being the only one standing, and moves to sit at Kenma’s desk chair.

“Before I say anything, you gotta promise you won’t…react badly,” he says, pulling knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He glances at the other in time enough to see the small nod he receives, and the confused, mildly anxious look that accompanies it.

“Okay,” Kageyama agrees slowly, like he’s not entirely sure if he’s ready for the commitment of a yes. “What’re you…?”

“It’s not anything to do with you!” Hinata goes to reassure him, “And it’s not anything bad! Well, actually, that…depends on what you consider ‘bad,’ I guess…”

“Just spit it out, stupid.”

At the rush, Hinata huffs, half to calm his jittery nerves and half to come off like he’s not steadying his breath or the hands on his knees. His voice isn’t quiet enough not to hear when he opens his mouth, but half of him wishes it were.

“You know what it means when someone’s transgender, right?”

Kageyama nods, kind of uncertainly, like he has to think back to understand his answer to the question, or like he’s considering why that would be asked. “Yeah…? Why do you bring it up?”

Hinata doesn’t have to wait long before he sees a light bulb go off over Kageyama’s head.

“Oh. _Oh_. Are you…?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Hinata really wishes his phone would ring, if only to get him out of this situation.

“That’s…” Kageyama shifts on the bed, just a little, visibly just as uncomfortable as the other feels. He coughs into his fist. “Okay. Why’d you need to tell me?”

“What?” Hinata looks up from where he’d been studying his shoes, eyes wide because _what_? “Just—‘okay’? That’s all you’re gonna say about it?”

“Yeah.”

“…Oh.” He lets out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. “ _Oh_. Okay. Okay. Good. Thank you.”

“’Thank you’?” Kageyama’s eyebrows furrow. “For what?”

“I just sort of—I don’t know, I guess I just prepared for the worst? I haven’t come out to someone I wasn’t close friends with in a long time, so I just—“ He takes another deep breath. “Thanks.”

“…You’re welcome?” It comes out like a question.

“But—oh! Oh, yeah, um, I told you, because I can’t,” he gestures to his chest, “sleep in a binder, and Kenma knows, so I knew he wouldn’t care if I didn’t wear it while asleep, but you didn’t, so I—yep.”

“Binder…?”

Hinata flushes. _Shit_. He should’ve realized that knowingwhat it is wouldn’t necessarily mean he knew things like that. He hates explaining this to people, because there’s no way to go about it without flat out saying, “it presses my boobs down so I look flat chested,” and acknowledging that he even has those in the first place is something he’s not particularly fond of.

“It flattens—” he gestures to his chest again, knowing he sounds and probably looks awkward, and lets the sentence trail off at that. Evidently, it’s enough to get the point across, because Kageyama nods and looks away.

“Right.”

God, this is horrible. He cringes at the exchange. “I’m just gonna…change.”

Kageyama nods, mumbling something about getting blankets out for him, and Hinata disappears into the bathroom.

It only takes a moment to slip the binder off (leaving him feeling vulnerable and weird and more than a little _wrong,_ but these feelings are nothing new to him, not by a long shot), but he stands in front of the sink and splashes his face with water in hopes that it’ll make him calm down.

It could’ve gone a lot worse, he reasons, but his heart is still beating like he’s run a marathon, nerves he never gets over from having to explain to someone what he is, even close friends, even professors. Doctors are the worst. They tend to be the most unpredictable.

He exists the bathroom a few minutes later, hoping his shirt is baggy enough to cover the outline of breasts through the fabric, to see a small futon set in the space between Kenma and Kageyama’s beds.

“Do you, um,” Kageyama starts, and Hinata doesn’t miss the way he’s making less eye contact now, “need a change of clothes or…?”

“Ah, no, I’m fine like this, I fall asleep in day clothes all the time.” He waves it off, trying to act more normal than he feels.

The taller nods and climbs back into his bed. It’s eleven, and Hinata has an early class tomorrow, not to mention he’ll have to get up even earlier to tip toe back to his own dorm and change. He lays down on the futon and pulls the blanket he was offered up over his head. His laptop is still on Kenma’s desk.

The two of them don’t say anything for a long while, both pretending to be asleep once the lamp is switched off, and they’re left in quiet darkness. In the silence, Hinata says, finally, “Kageyama?”

“What?” The response is grumbled, but he doesn’t sound like he’s been asleep.

“Thanks.”

There’s no response for a moment. “You already thanked me, dumbass. You don’t need to say it again.”

“I know.” Hinata is glad for the darkness, because then the other can’t see him smile. “But I wanted to.”

“…Whatever.”

“You’re being really nice to me.”

Silence, and then, a mumbled, embarrassed, “Shut up.”

Hinata laughs.

The atmosphere changes.

They end up talking for another hour (maybe closer to an hour and a half, Hinata can’t be sure; he doesn’t bother checking the time, not now). Hinata initiates most of the conversation, but Kageyama eventually warms up, until they’re bickering at twelve AM on a Friday night, and it feels comfortable instead of frustrating.

He starts laughing when the clock strikes twelve thirty.

“What?” Kageyama demands, obviously confused about what he finds so funny. “What the hell are you laughing about?”

“I said it was only gonna be a one time thing, didn’t I?” He stifles a giggle. “It’s only been a week since I came here last, and I said it was gonna be a one time thing, but I’m here again.”

“Oh my god.” He hears Kageyama flop back down on the bed in exasperation, and snickers.

When they’re finally getting tired, Hinata says through a yawn, “G’night, Bakageyama,” and gets a grumbled _dumbass, don’t call me that_ in return.

One of his last thoughts before drifting unconscious is that maybe Kageyama isn’t _too_ much of a jerk.

 

\--

 

He wakes the next morning at six AM to get out and to his own dorm. Kenma sits up groggily, obviously confused to why he’s leaving then, and gives him a sleepily, questioning look.

“Thanks for letting me stay over,” he whispers, trying not to wake the other resident currently still asleep.

Kenma nods, and says through a yawn, “It was okay being here with just Kageyama?”

Hinata shoves his laptop into his bag and zips it up, thinking the question over, before shrugging. “Yeah, it was okay. I thought he was gonna be an asshole, ya know, but it turned out fine.”

“Okay.” Kenma flops back down on the bed, eyes already closing to go back to sleep. “Good.”

“Bye, Kenma!”

“Bye, Shouyou.”

Hinata shuts the door behind him with a soft _click_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> r u guys ready.....for this fic to get Rlly Gay........... bc i sure as hecky am


	5. you and god both got guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the three weeks since the incident, somehow Hinata has wormed his way into Kageyama’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS TECHNICALLY STILL THURSDAY WHERE I AM THEREFORE THIS IS OKAY RIGHT
> 
>  
> 
> THIs chapter is rlly half assed lmao . its justt. fluff. and filler. and i havent proofread it. buT here i t IS NAYway

Kageyama does not like coffee—not enough to spend his free time going to get some, anyway. He’s usually too busy with school or trying to find a job (seeing as he’s been unsuccessful thus far in that department) to bother with going out in the morning.

(It may also have something to do with the fact that he hasn’t exactly made that many friends yet, but that’s irrelevant, as far as he’s concerned.)

So finding himself being coerced into getting coffee one morning with Hinata and a girl from one of his lecture classes is…a rare occurrence. It’s been three weeks post the Sleepover Incident, and for better or for worse, Hinata is no longer scared of him when he’s angry, and therefore no longer intimidated when he refuses the offer and tries to stomp away. Instead, the redhead just jumps in front of him again, pouting with his hands on his hips.

“C’mooon, you need to meet her!”

“I have met her,” he says. They’re in the middle of the dorm hallways, and he wants the exchange to be over with, lest someone catches them arguing while taking up the entire walkway. “I have a class with her.”

“Yeah, but you haven’t, like, _met her_ met her,” Hinata insists.

“…What?”

“There’s a difference between meeting someone in class and meeting someone outside of class, Bakageyama, and you need to meet her when you’re _not_ in school!”

Kageyama ignores this and starts walking, only to have the other stay in front of him, walking along backwards so that they’re facing each other as he heads for the stairway.

“Besides, she won’t stop bugging me about you! If you don’t come, she’s never gonna leave it alone that she missed her opportunity, and then I’ll be _miserable_ from her bothering me, and then _you’ll_ be miserable from _my_ being miserable. So you have to.”

He sighs, still walking, and starts down the stairs. Hinata follows behind him stubbornly, still chattering on about coming to breakfast (or lunch, since it’s already ten o’clock), his talking ending up as background noise that’s starting to grate on Kageyama’s nerves.

In the three weeks since the incident, somehow Hinata has wormed his way into Kageyama’s life, to the point where, were he anyone else, he might even say that they’re friends—or some shade of it at least. They still argue a lot, and Hinata is still as annoying as ever, but there was a certain level of…intimacy—or trust, rather—that came with Hinata sharing that information with him, especially since he’d revealed that it wasn’t widely known.

The exchange had been awkward and uncomfortable and anything but smooth, and even though the confession had been forced out by the situation Hinata was put it, he had still made the conscious decision to trust Kageyama. Afterwards, Kageyama couldn’t help but feel thankful for that trust.

The events following that mostly involved a lot of awkward silence once Hinata was left alone with him, avoiding each other when Hinata came over and had to wait for Kozume, pretending they hadn’t had some sort of—moment—thing— _whatever_ —the other night. Kageyama hadn’t _wanted_ to avoid him, per se, but it just sort of happened. He wasn’t good at social interaction, and he certainly wasn’t good at talking about things like feelings or relationships.

And then, one day, like something had clicked (or like Hinata had just decided that he’d had enough of both of their shit), Hinata had more or less busted down Kageyama and Kozume’s dorm door, and they were back to bickering. This time, it was with something less like animosity and more like friendship. It wasn’t gradual; one moment they couldn’t look each other in the eye, and the next Kageyama is being dragged along to coffee.

Which leaves him here, getting ready to sport a headache.

“If I say yes, will you finally shut up?” He snaps, because Hinata is _loud,_ and it’s _early,_ and he’s tired, never mind that it’s later in the morning; he’s only been awake for approximately thirty minutes, just enough to get dressed and dragged out the door by a certain ball of energy, so as far as Kageyama is concerned, it might as well be seven a.m. (He didn’t get much sleep last night, due to a small bout of insomnia that has become increasingly troublesome. But he digresses.)

Hinata nods so hard it looks like his head might fall off, putting on the perfect face of innocence, like his plan all along _hadn’t_ been to annoy Kageyama into submission.

Kageyama huffs, and that’s sign enough to the other that he’s given in, because Hinata’s face has already split into a smile before he even gets out, “Alright, fine, but you’re paying.”

 

\--

 

It’s snowing when they step outside, and Kageyama hadn’t even thought to check the weather when he woke up, so he’s not entirely dressed for the weather. He shivers, ignores it, and keeps walking.

Hinata notices, as Hinata sometimes does. “Are you cold?”

“No.”

“You’re shivering.”

Kageyama shoves his hands into his pockets pointedly. “Am not.” As an afterthought: “Dumbass.”

“I can run back up to your dorm and get you a hat or something, if you give me the key,” Hinata offers. He’s dressed well enough for the snow, in a warm jacket, a hat, and a scarf that looks like it might be suffocating him, the way it almost completely covers his mouth.

The taller shakes his head and keeps walking. “I’m fine.”

“You’re sure…?”

“I’ll drop by and get something before class,” he reassures, in his Kageyama way where he’s trying not to sound like he’s reassuring. Hinata considers it and finally relents.

“Yeah, okay. But!” He stops walking and tugs on Kageyama’s elbow to indicate that he should stop too. He does, just a little confused.

“Stopping in the cold isn’t going to help my problem,” he starts to complain, until his brain short circuits at the sight of Hinata getting on his tip toes and _why_ is his face so close to Kageyama’s—

“There!” Hinata pulls away, hands on his hips to admire his work, smiling with his nose and cheeks all flushed from the cold. It occurs to Kageyama belatedly that, oh, Hinata just gave him his scarf.

…Oh.

His face feels warmer now at least.

They keep walking; the café they’re going to is only a block or two away, Hinata informs him, and Yachi is already there waiting for the two. He knows he’s being eerily quiet, but it’s difficult not to be when he’s internally freaking out, because _why_ had he thought that Hinata was going to do something different, and _why the hell_ is he upset that it turned out his assumption was wrong?

Eugh. He guesses it hadn’t done him much good to agree to going with Hinata; he has a headache now, anyway.

 

\--

 

Yachi is a small girl, with blonde hair and big, brown eyes that rival Hinata’s. She’s actually about Hinata’s height, and it feels a little funny standing next to the two, where it feels like he towers over them.

She’s waiting for them at a table in the back, stirring a spoon in her mug of coffee, her hat and scarf lying on the table. When Hinata spots her, he lets out a louder than necessary, “Yacchan!” and waves.

She looks up, startled, before she smiles, just a little sheepishly, and waves them over.

“Sho-chan,” she greets, and Hinata’s already taking his hat off to set on the table, and stripping himself of his jacket. The jumper underneath is bright yellow and could accurately be described as an “ugly sweater,” in the least endearing of terms. Kageyama slides into the booth, Hinata next to him, and tries to leave as much space between the two as possible; it isn’t much.

“Kageyama-san,” Yachi says, still wearing that little smile.

He nods in greeting, already feeling tense. Hinata stands, flopping his jacket in the space where he was just sitting.

“I’m gonna go order! Kageyama, what do you want?” He’s too loud for the quiet atmosphere of the café.

“Just, uh—“ His eyes flick to the menu, but he can’t read anything from here, and he’s never had a usual coffee he sticks to anyway. “Anything. I don’t care.”

Hinata shrugs, kind of like _suit yourself_. “Be back in a second!” If one can skip away without really skipping, Hinata does.

Then he’s left alone with Yachi.

“So, uh,” she starts, “you’re Kenma-kun’s roommate, right?”

He nods, and she takes a sip of her drink in the silence. It’s quiet, and he takes off his (Hinata’s) scarf for something to do. She’s sort of fidgety, clearly just as uncomfortable as he is, and that soothes his worries some, knowing that she notices how awkward this is too. Her phone lights up with a notification. She scrambles to check it, clearly glad for the distraction.

Hinata comes back a moment later, balancing two drinks and a brown paper bag. He sets them down on the table and slides in next to Kageyama again.

“I just got you what I got,” he tells Kageyama, pushing the plastic cup near him and reaching into the bag to produce a blueberry muffin. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“For what?”

He sticks his tongue out petulantly. “For paying for your food, of course!”

Kageyama rolls his eyes. “That was the deal, stupid. I come, you pay for me.”

“You should still say thank you!”

Yachi looks like she wants to say something but doesn’t quite know what. Hinata recognizes her discomfort and jumps to include her in the conversation. “See, Yachi buys me stuff to make me do things all the time, and I still say thank you, don’t I, Yachi?”

She smiles. “That’s…debatable.”

Hinata pouts. “C’mon, Yacchan, you’re supposed to back me up heerree.”

“I’m sorry, Sho. I didn’t mean to make you look bad.” The words sound sincere on the outside, but she’s grinning into her drink; teasing. They’ve been inside in the warmth for ten minutes at least, but Hinata’s cheeks look red.

“You’re making it worse,” he grumbles, and then, to change the subject: “The point in this is to get breakfast, and neither of you are even eating anything!”

“I’ve been here since nine,” Yachi reasons, looking only a little apologetic. “I’ve already eaten.”

“Ohhh, yeah.” Hinata nods in understanding before grinning. “You were here with Shimizu-san, weren’t you?”

“Sh-Shouyou!”

At the name, Kageyama blinks. “Shimizu-san?”

“Mhmm. That’s Yachi’s girlfr—“

“ _Shouyou_!”

He snickers. “But it’s true!”

“Th-that doesn’t mean you should just _tell_ —a-and besides, she’s not really my girlfriend, so—“

“How do you know Shimizu?” Kageyama interrupts, and she looks thankful for the distraction.

“I, well…Shouyou and I have a few upperclassmen friends, and we met her through them.” She sits back in her seat from where she’d gotten up in the excitement of her exchange with Hinata, cheeks calming down from their previous blush.

Kageyama frowns. “Who?”

“Ah, Daichi, Sugawara, Asahi…” Hinata ticks the names off on his fingers, clearly trying to think of anymore, and looks to Yachi for confirmation. She nods in agreement. He turns back to Kageyama. “Why do you ask? Do you know them?”

He takes a sip of his drink for the first time, finds that it’s something sweet with lots of foam and syrup. He should’ve known that’s something Hinata would get. “Yeah, I know them.”

“Old friends?”

He shakes his head. “Met them here.”

“Oh.” Hinata takes a bite of his muffin and brushes crumbs off his hands. He swallows and asks, “Classmates?”

“Something like that.” Kageyama takes another sip of the drink, forgetting that he hadn’t enjoyed it. “Or—well, uh, just Sugawara, really. Sugawara and Shimizu.”

“That’s so cool!” It doesn’t sound very cool to Kageyama, but Hinata looks like he genuinely thinks that’s something to get excited about (but, to be fair, Hinata thinks most things are something to get excited about). “That means it’ll be easier for me to introduce you to everybody then!”

“You can introduce your old friends to your new friend,” Yachi comments.

Kageyama stiffens at the term _friends_ , and he feels Hinata stop at it just a little too. Neither of them say anything, and an uncomfortable silence falls on them.

The blonde seems to realize what she said. “Oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s fine.”

Hinata seems surprised at the words.

Kageyama looks down at his drink and shrugs, forcing himself to look nonchalant, and repeats, “It’s fine. Not a big deal.”

_Friends_. Friends. They’re—yeah. They’re friends.

It’s nearly noon by the time they’re done with their breakfast (or, rather, lunch), but Kageyama can’t find it in himself to care.

And if he finished the whole cup of coffee, well. Hinata doesn’t need to know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha this was almost half the size of the previous chapter im so sorry
> 
> also: should there be smut in this fic?? im considering it but idk....tell me what yall think abt there maybe bein a smut scene??


	6. when you shoot i think i'd duck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think you’ve ever liked someone, Kageyama?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *banging hands on table* AROSPEC KAGEYAMA AROSPEC KAGEYAMA
> 
> in all honesty i had no intention of including that headcanon in this fic but. well. i can never resist projecting my own emotions onto my favorite fictional characters ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (exhibit a: trans hina. exhibit b: arospec kags. exhibit c: literally everything i write ever tbh)
> 
> this is either a really late update (for saturday) or a really early update (for tuesday). speaking of updates! i might actually be changing this to once a week instead of twice-to-thrice b/c im horrible and school is about to Kick My Ass, so if this is the only time i update this week, don't be too surprised! i might be back thursday, but if im not, know that thats why

“Kenmaaa.”

Said boy doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hmm.”

“Kenmaaaaa, I’m coooooold.”

“Okay.”

Hinata pouts, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You walk too slow.”

“You walk too quickly,” he responds, eyes never leaving his screen, where he’s tapping away at some message to someone. Hinata is honestly surprised the other isn’t complaining about the cold either; he’s wearing probably less layers than Hinata, and yet he doesn’t even flinch when the wind blows too harshly.

Finally, he locks his phone out of habit and shoves it into his pocket, looking up. He raises an eyebrow at Hinata. “You should’ve worn more if you’re cold.”

Hinata groans at the reminder. “I would if I could, but I let Kageyama borrow my scarf the other day, and I haven’t gotten it back yet!”

“…Mm.” He looks forward as they walk. “You can come over after we eat and get it, if you want,” he offers.

“I’ll take you up on that!” Hinata smiles, seeing the restaurant coming into view, and tries to keep himself from wondering if Kageyama is going to be there when they get back to the dorm. He feels just a little bad thinking about that when he’s supposed to be having lunch with Kenma.

(And also, maybe, because he keeps thinking about what Yachi said a few weeks ago, about liking the guy. Hinata does _not_ have a crush on Kageyama; it’s normal to wonder if he’s going to be there, since it is _his_ dorm and all.

And, so what if he thinks about him a lot outside of that, and likes when they hang out, and has introduced him to almost all of Hinata’s other friends by now? That’s normal. That’s normal friend stuff.

It’s also normal to maybe think he’s really attractive and to get embarrassed when they stand too close, and to not actually be all that upset that he left his scarf because then that means that maybe he’s wearing it, and to want to be around him all the time and send him texts at three in the morning for the hell of it and sort of want to hold hands and kiss and stuff.

One hundred percent platonic emotions going on right now, yep. He _doesn’t_ have a crush on Kageyama.)

 

\--

 

He has a crush on Kageyama.

Yachi nearly cheers when he ends up telling her this. “I _told_ you!” She says, through her grin and little squirmy-excited thing she does when she’s trying to contain herself.

He can feel just how red his face is, and when she says, much too loudly for what the situation requires, “You _liiiiiike_ him! You like Kageyama!” he has to cover her mouth with his hand to get her to be quiet.

She doesn’t lick it, which he had been half fearful she would do, but she tugs his hand away and beams, this time stage-whispering, “You’ve got a big, gay crush on him.”

“Yes, oh my GOD,” he groans, taking his hand away and dramatically splaying backwards on Yachi’s couch. They’re at her parents’ house right now, since it’s not too far from their university, alone because her mom is working and her dad is out doing something.

“It’s horrible, Yachi!” He complains. “He’s such a jerk, and—“

“And you _liiiike_ him!”

“Yes, and what the heck am I supposed to DO about it?!” He tugs at his hair, whining to the ceiling. “This suuuucks.”

She nods empathetically and sets a hand on his arm in comfort, but he can see that she’s just barely stifling her grin. “It could be worse,” she says.

“Yeah? How? By having a crush on my best friend’s asshole roommate?” He kicks his feet in the air. “Oh, too late!”

“Calm down, Shouyou.” She pushes his legs back down, and he just barely misses kicking her in the face in the process. “He’s not an asshole, is he?”

“I mean…” He frowns at the ceiling. “Yes? But no? Kind of? He can be nice. I think he’s just bad with people or something, and comes off as a jerk ‘cause of it.”

“Well, then the only issue is ‘best friend’s roommate,’ and it’s not like that’s that big of a deal.”

“I see him _all the time_ because of it.”

She gives him a look. “That’s not a bad thing, Sho.”

He huffs. “It is if I don’t _wanna_ see him!”

“But you do. ‘Cause you _liiiiiiike_ him.” She’s back to beaming and poking him in the stomach. He recoils at the touch, squirming away and telling her through a laugh to stop, only to have her tickle him more, until Hinata’s writhing against the couch and laughing loud enough to annoy the neighbors.

“You’re horrible!” He says, still giggling, once she finally stops and he can breath successfully. She smiles, all innocence like she _hadn’t_ just tried to tickle him to death.

“I think you should just ask him out, Sho.” Seeing his face at the words, she continues, “From what I’ve seen, I think he likes you! He acts a lot differently with you than I’ve seen him act with other people.”

“You’re assuming that’s a good thing.” Hinata resettles back in the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He’s not wearing his binder since it’s just the two of them, but having something pressed against his chest makes him feel more comfortable.

“It’s a good thing,” Yachi reassures him with a smile. “If you asked him out, I bet he’d say yes.”

He sighs and stretches his legs back out, opening his arms and motioning for her to come forward. She does, and they end up lying with her back pressed to his chest, his chin on her head. The TV is still playing reruns of some 90’s show, volume down so they can hear each other.

“You know dating is difficult for me,” he says, wrapping his arms around her tighter. The two of them have been friends for a long time, and Yachi is mostly only physically affectionate with him and whoever her girlfriend is at the time (and who happens to hopefully be Shimizu soon, once they get their acts together and call it official). Platonic cuddling is a very common occurrence for them, especially when one or both of them is upset, like right now.

“I know,” she sighs, taking his hands and rubbing his palm soothingly. “But you’ve already told him you’re trans, and he wasn’t turned away from that, so I don’t think it’ll be that big of a problem with him, do you?”

“Yachi, I don’t even know if he’s _into_ guys.” He bites his lip, ignores the urge to add _like me_ to the end.

It’s difficult, dating when you’re a transgender, bisexual man; for a long time, straight girls wouldn’t date him, and gay guys could be cruel more often than he’d like to admit. High school was rough with that, but he hopes that since he’s older now, it’ll be less of an issue. (That doesn’t stop him from being kind of scared, though.)

“Try to bring it up casually in conversation,” she advises. “Kuroo and Kenma are dating, maybe mention them or something and go from there?”

“’Speaking of gay roommates,’” he jokes. She laughs a little, letting go of his hand.

“It’ll be alright.” Yachi moves her head up to look at him, her hair ruffling as she does so, and she sends him a reassuring smile. Sometimes she reminds Hinata strikingly of a mother, the natural way she comforts him. “Just don’t worry too much about it, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He grins, changing the topic. “But what about you? You have any success with Shimizu-san lately?”

It works like a charm: her face lights up red immediately, and she presses her hands to her face to hide herself, groaning, “Shouyooooou!”

Hinata just laughs.

 

\--

 

“Speaking of Kuroo and Kenma…” (Hinata cannot _believe_ he’s using almost the exact wording he had used with Yachi jokingly the other day.)

Kageyama glances at him from where he’s sitting at his desk, papers splayed out for him to study, although he’s been doing very little of it from what Hinata can tell. They’re in Kageyama’s dorm, and even though Kenma’s out and about, the little social butterfly, Hinata chose to stay, mostly because he was hoping this topic would come up—or, rather, that the chance for him to drag it from the depths of hell would.

“What about them?” The taller asks, looking back down at his book as if he had actually been reading anything. Hinata shifts where he’s leaning against the desk, trying to figure out the best way to go about this.

But Hinata’s never been that good at thinking things through, so in the end, he just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind: “Are you straight?”

He’s one hundred percent positive that if Kageyama had been drinking something, he would’ve choked at that, because even without a drink it looks like he nearly does. “ _What_?”

“Are you straight?” Hinata repeats, ever so patient.

“I…” Kageyama, now that he’s processing the question, maybe looks like he’s about to explode. From what, Hinata isn’t sure, but he looks away, and his face is red. “What makes you ask that?”

_Shit_. What’s Hinata gonna say, “because I think I’m super fucking gay for you but I don’t wanna ask you out if it’s gonna end up that you’re heterosexual?”

Yeah, he’s not about to do that. Instead, he shrugs, pushing off the desk to go sit on Kenma’s bed, moving around to mask his nervousness.

“I don’t know that much about you,” he uses as an excuse, but even that sounds kind of flirty now that he thinks about it. He winces at himself, but Kageyama’s probably (hopefully) too dense to notice.

“Oh.” Kageyama sort of blinks, like he hadn’t been expecting that answer, and stares at the wall a little to the right of Hinata’s shoulder. His face is still red, and he coughs into his hand awkwardly. “Um…that…depends on if you are.”

Okay haha wow that definitely sounds like he’s suggesting something. “Bi,” Hinata says, sitting on his hands like that’ll make his heart stop beating so rapidly in his chest. _Please don’t be straight, please don’t be straight, please don’t be straight_ —

“You’re bisexual?” Kageyama looks genuinely surprised at that.

“Mhmm.” Hinata nods. “Not that I’ve dated a whole lot, but…”

“…Oh. Um…” Kageyama looks like he wants to ask more about that but is unsure of how to.

To make it easier on him, Hinata elaborates, “I had a girlfriend in high school, but that was for, like, two weeks.”

“So you and Yachi never…?”

Hinata actually laughs at that. “What, dated?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s a huge lesbian.”

“Ah.” He looks down. “Sorry, it was just—before you mentioned Shimizu, I just sort of assumed…”

Hinata waves a hand dismissively. “We kinda get that a lot, since we’ve been best friends pretty much our whole lives, but she’s like my sister at this point. Even if she wasn’t gay, dating would be weird.” He wrinkles his nose subconsciously.

They don’t say anything for a moment, and Kageyama is staring at him, not angrily but sort of…weird. Hinata shifts uncomfortably and starts, because he’s never been good with silence, “You never answered, though!”

Kageyama’s eyes immediately go to his desk again, furrowing his eyebrows and glaring at his textbook like it personally offended him. “I’m…not.” He coughs. “Straight, that is.”

Hinata wants to kind of (really) sigh in relief or fist pump or _something_ , but he can’t in front of the other, so he hides a smile and waits for an elaboration. After a moment, Kageyama seems to realize that it was implied for him to follow up with his sexuality, and he twitches in his seat, anxious.

“I’m not straight,” he repeats, not looking at Hinata, “but I don’t really know…”

Hinata hums in understand. “Bicurious?” he offers.

Kageyama shakes his head. “No. I mean—yes? I don’t call it that. That’s not what I’m…confused on.”

“So you know you like other guys.”

“Yeah.”

“But you’re confused on something else.”

He takes a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Hinata thinks about it for a moment, before moving to sit on Kageyama’s bed instead of Kenma’s and patting a spot next to him. The other gives him a look, like he’s confused on what’s being asked of him, so Hinata motions more urgently. “C’mon, sit down. We’re talking this out.”

“I never agreed to that.”

“Well, no, but you kinda seem like you want help.”

Kageyama frowns. “How can you…?”

“You’re all twitchy and anxious and confused,” Hinata answers, already knowing what he was trying to ask. He pats the spot next to him again for emphasis. “Sit.”

This warrants him a distrusting look for a good moment, before Kageyama sighs and finally relents, hesitantly taking a seat on the bed next to Hinata, who’s got his back against the wall that the bed is pushed up against.

“Fine,” he mumbles, crossing his legs. He takes up half the space, and Hinata tries to ignore the fact that they’re really close.

“So,” he starts, once he’s cleared his throat and is no longer twitching every time Kageyama’s knee brushes his, “you like boys.”

Kageyama looks away again. “…Yeah.”

“Do you like girls?”

“I don’t…think so?” He frowns.

“Well…” Hinata thinks for a moment. “Have you ever had a crush on a girl?”

More frowning. “No. But I don’t think I’ve ever really had a crush on anyone, really.”

“So do you only like guys sexually then?” _Shit_.

Kageyama presses his palms to his eyes, clearly frustrated. “I don’t know? I guess? Maybe? I don’t think I know what a crush feels like.”

“Aromantic, maybe?”

The taller slides his hands down his face, peaking out to look at Hinata through his fingers, and Hinata tries to ignore the fact that that’s really fucking cute, and wow since when was Kageyama cute? “Don’t know what that means.”

“Aro is like…” Hinata flails his hands around for a moment. “When you don’t like anyone romantically. Don’t get crushes, stuff like that. Do you know what asexual is?”

He nods. “Yeah.” He coughs, looking away. “I don’t think I’m that, though.”

“There are—I don’t know, different shades of being aromantic?” Hinata’s really shitty at explaining things. _God_ , why is this so difficult? “Like, demiromantic is where you gotta already have an emotional bond with the person, and quoiromantic is where you can’t tell if you like the person romantically or platonically, and…” More hand motions. “Different stuff. It’s not always, like, you’re either aromantic or you’re not, you know?”

Kageyama thinks about it, staying silent for a moment before he says, quieter than they were being before, “You’ve had crushes.”

“Unfortunately.” Hinata kind of laughs.

“Can you…explain them? How it feels. When you like someone.”

Their knees keep brushing.

“It’s different for everyone, I think, but for me…I dunno, I wanna be around the person all the time, and I wanna touch them and hold their hand and kiss them and stuff. Or I get really nervous when we’re too close or I laugh and smile too much at stuff that’s not really that funny. I’m not really good at flirting though.” He adds the last part as an afterthought.

Kageyama frowns, looks like he’s mulling the information over in his head. Hinata keeps talking, mostly because he can feel how warm his face is, and the silence is bothering him.

“For me, it’s mostly physical stuff, I think. I like holding hands and being next to the person. I think about them a lot, and usually end up annoying Yachi with how much I talk about them.”

“But how does it…” Kageyama stops the question, glaring at the bedspread.

“…Feel?” Hinata guesses.

He nods.

“When you like someone, your chest gets all tight and you get happy just thinking about them, and it kind of hurts in your lungs sometimes, especially if the person doesn’t like you back.”

“It hurts.” Kageyama repeats the words, quietly, and Hinata realizes belatedly that their voices have been lowering this entire time. It’s quiet.

“Do you think you’ve ever liked someone, Kageyama?” It comes out almost as a whisper.

“…I think so.”

Hinata wants to ask who, but he’s sort of afraid of the answer. Instead, he offers, “You could be grey-aro, if you’ve only ever liked one or two people. You probably know how you feel better than I do, though.” He smiles at the end, to try to ease the weird tension that has built in the room.

But Kageyama is still frowning. He uncrosses his legs and pulls his knees up to his chest, leaning his chin on them and playing with a loose string on the bedspread. “I’ve never…had a lot of friends,” he admits into the near silence.

“We’re friends,” Hinata assures.

He nods. “I know.” A pause. Quieter this time: “I’ve never had a lot of friends, and I never dated in high school. So I don’t think I really know the difference between what it’s like to have a friend and what it’s like to…have a crush.”

Suddenly the fact that Hinata had so helpfully supplied _we’re friends_ , feels important. He nods in understanding. “They can…blend over, for some people.”

“You called that something earlier.”

“Mhmm. Quoiro.”

Kageyama looks down at—something. The floorboard, maybe. Or his feet.

“Does that sound right at all?”

“…”

Seeing his hesitance, Hinata goes on, “You don’t have to be sure about anything, and you don’t have to label it as that if you don’t want to. I’m just—letting you know, I guess, that that exists. And that it’s not weird to be…confused.”

Kageyama nods, but it looks more out of reflex than anything. “I know.”

“Okay.”

Silence again.

Then: “…Hinata?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.” He scratches the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “For that.”

It takes a moment for Hinata to register the words, and then he grins, all white teeth and sincerity. “What are friends for?”

Kageyama mumbles something under his breath that sounds an awful lot like _are you supposed to want to kiss your friends_? before he stands up and returns to his desk.

(Hinata pretends he didn’t hear it, mostly because he can already feel his heart rate picking up.

He’s really, _really_ gay for Kageyama.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hinata "living queer encyclopedia" shouyou 
> 
> also i got a lotta feedback on the smutty smut thing-- 
> 
> (im not going to be replying to comments purely abt that bc its easier to address this to the general public instead of individually but i promise im gonna try to keep replying to yall in general after this, bc i appreciate comments Muchly) 
> 
> \--and i think ive decided that it pppprobably will have some? not like. full on smutty smut smut b/c i am but a gentle small infant who is incapable of writing that correctly, but vaguely smutty things such as heavy makeouts and implied stuff will almost defs happen i think? dont quote me too much on that tho. later chapters, maybe chap 9 or 10.


	7. oh i'd confess, i'd confess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does he want to kiss Hinata?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also known as: The Dialogue Chapter
> 
> this is either a day late for thursday or a day early for saturday but dont expect me to be consistent in my previous schedule. i was correct and school is already trying to murder me
> 
> i tried to update yesterday, but ive been having a lot of personal issues that kept me from doing pretty much anything productive until just now, so sorry about that! anyway, have more arospec kags and Revelations
> 
> (i myself am arospec and struggle w/ telling the difference between romantic and platonic, so if some of the explanations i used didnt make sense, its just b/c i quite honestly am not sure lmao)

Kageyama stares at his browser, debating what to do about the tabs currently open, mouse hovering over the button to close them. He thinks about it for a moment, but ultimately ends up bookmarking the ones that he closes (just in case); feeling a headache coming on, he sighs, leans back, and just barely catches himself from pushing his chair back too far and falling over.

“Whatchya looking at?”

He almost falls a second time. “What the _hell_ , where did you come from?!”

Hinata grins, pulling up a chair next to him at his previously empty table. They’re in the library, almost completely silent minus Hinata’s little laugh he gives. Only a few other people are around, other students trying to get work done, a woman who keeps gravitating towards the Young Adult fiction section. Hinata peers over Kageyama to get a look at his laptop.

“What’s that—“

“Nothing,” Kageyama rushes, snapping his laptop shut hurriedly so the other can’t see. Hinata gives him a weird look, reaching over to try to open it. His hand gets slapped away.

“Ow.” He pouts. “C’mon, why won’t you let me see?”

“It’s none of your business is why.”

“A secret?” He grins, looking excited at the prospect.

“Fuck off.”

Someone behind them coughs.

Kageyama lowers his voice, nearly whispering. “Fuck off.”

Hinata grins and then frowns, covering his mouth like he’s upset with himself for grinning at that. “You’re so mean.”

“’m not,” Kageyama responds, turning back to his laptop, but not opening it again. He’s got papers spread out everywhere, like he’s been getting work done, despite not having actually finished a single assignment so far. “It’s too early for this.”

“It’s like ten AM.”

“Four hours too early.”

“You’re not much of a morning person, are you, Bakageyama?”

“What, and you are?” He guesses he can see that, actually; Hinata, bright and bubbly and optimistic, too loud for his own good. He seems like the kind of person who would wake up and immediately be back to talking a mile a minute, regardless of time.

“Not really,” Hinata says with a shrug, surprisingly him. “I’ve just been up for a while.”

Kageyama glances at him with faux-disinterest. He slides his textbook towards himself, opening it to the page he’d bookmarked. “Early class?”

“Nah, my next class isn’t until two.”

He doesn’t say anything in response to that; even when he tries to read the paragraph he last left off on, he can’t find any of the words going through. He’s opening his mouth to ask _why are you awake then?_ when Hinata shifts in his seat and clears his throat, like he’s embarrassed.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“…Ah.” He waits for an explanation, but doesn’t get any.

It’s uncomfortably silent then. No one around them is talking, and he wracks his brain to try to find something to say, some small talk to start a conversation and not leave it like this.

Ever since Hinata and he had that talk, he’s been acting weird, and he _knows_ he’s acting weird, but he gets a surge of anxiety around Hinata that he hadn’t gotten before, and he doesn’t really know what to do about it. At first, he’d tried to ignore the other until the feeling died down, but that proved to be almost nearly impossible (because Hinata is both persistent and oblivious), so now he suffers in silence and tries not to let himself act too awkward.

He still does some pretty cringe-worthy stuff, though.

Finally, he settles on something to say. He glances at Hinata then back at his book. “How’s Lev?”

“Hmm? Oh.” Hinata sits up straighter in his chair, having been looking like he was spacing out. “He’s good, I think. He’s been in a lot of a better mood the past week, but I don’t really know why? Probably something to do with Kuroo’s friend. He doesn’t really come over so much anymore, though.”

“Why?”

Hinata shrugs. “I haven’t asked.”

Kageyama nods. “How come you couldn’t sleep?” he asks (he hadn’t meant to ask that).

“Ah, well…” Hinata looks at his hands on the table, where they’d been tapping methodically. The nails are cut short and chipped black. “Just…stuff. On my mind, ya know…”

Kageyama frowns at the lilt in Hinata’s voice, obviously uncomfortable, but doesn’t push it. His face looks red, and his nails hit the wood off beat. “…Ah.”

“Yeah.”

Hinata takes his hand off the table and puts it in his lap a little too harshly. “What about you? Why’re you up so early if you’re not a morning person?”

“I had a seven am class.”

Hinata’s nose wrinkles in distaste. “Ew.”

Kageyama snorts, nodding, and turns back to his book. After a moment of no response, he feels eyes trained on him. He turns to Hinata, who’s staring like he’s grown another head.

“What?” he demands, sounding defensive even to himself.

“You just laughed.”

He frowns, eyes flicking to a bookshelf behind Hinata’s head. “I did not.” His face feels warm.

“You _totally_ did, oh my god!” Hinata covers his mouth when he smiles, laughing into his hand like it’s somehow funny. The person behind them coughs pointedly again.

Kageyama looks down, scowling, and ignores the way he’s actually a little offended. “…Shut up.”

The shorter notices his change in attitude; he jumps to correct it. “Aww, hey, I didn’t mean it in a bad way or anything—”

Another cough. Hinata finally lowers his voice, gets closer so they can talk quieter and still hear each other, but then his knee is brushing Kageyama’s, and it’s making his face feel warmer. “That wasn’t an insult, I’ve just never heard you laugh before.”

“Whatever.”

He smiles, gentler than normal. “I like it.”

“What?”

“I like it when you laugh.” The second time he says it, he seems to lose the certainty, rubbing the back of his neck a little sheepishly. He leans back in his seat so there’s a little bit of distance between the two.

“…Oh.”

Kageyama’s not sure how to respond to that, besides the fact that there’s a zero percent chance his face isn’t red now, and he’s also maybe a little happy? Hinata liking his laugh shouldn’t make him happy, but then again, Hinata shouldn’t make him a lot of things.

There’s silence for a moment, and then Hinata adds, like an afterthought, “Your smile’s still kinda scary though.”

“Hey!”

At Kageyama’s outburst, the person behind them slams something on the table, and both Hinata and Kageyama still where they’re sitting. There’s the sound of things behind shoved into a bag, and then the person brushes past them, making it very clear that they’re less than pleased with the two. They exist the library with a flourish.

The boys look between each other for a moment before Hinata starts laughing, louder now that there’s no one in the immediate vicinity to scold them, and Kageyama just barely stifles a grin. Hinata’s happiness is contagious.

 

\--

 

It’s December. Hinata still comes over a lot, and he’s still annoying as hell, and he still purposefully tries to scare Kageyama when the other isn’t paying attention, but there’s more comfort now, and they hang out together—exclusive of Kenma or Yachi—almost every day.

Hinata insisted they exchange numbers a few weeks ago, but they didn’t start actually texting until recently; most of the time, Kageyama doesn’t respond and just lets the other go wild with sending him pictures of dogs he saw on his way to class or funny things he overheard people saying. It’s one-sided in that Kageyama doesn’t usually respond, but not in that he looks at every one of them (and Hinata _knows_ he does, because Kageyama keeps forgetting to take read receipts off). He’d never admit it, but it makes him happy when his phone lights up with another text, and he starts looking forward to receiving them.

Ever since he’d asked Hinata to explain what it feels to have a crush on someone, he’s been having this weird, vague sense of anxiety around the other. It’s not like how he normally feels when he’s anxious, but it’s pretty close, and it’s just as bad. He feels like he trips or does stupid things more often now when around Hinata—which he shouldn’t be so self-conscious about, since Hinata’s already fallen on his face in front of Kageyama about four times since knowing each other—and it leaves him with sweaty palms and his heart picking up.

_Why_ does he want to impress Hinata? That’s a stupid thing to want to do, isn’t it? Especially since they’re already friends and past the first impression stage of things. Especially since they’re _just_ friends.

When they walk side by side and Hinata’s hands swing next to him—when his hands are on the table in the library, when they’re on his dorm room floor and he’s laughing and leaning back on his palms—Kageyama gets the urge to reach over and take it in his. That’s weird, right? To want to hold hands with him.

He thinks about the chipped nail polish and fingers tapping nervously on the desk, and he wants to cover them in his and still them, get Hinata’s mind away from whatever’s bothering him. He notices that when Hinata’s uncomfortable—when he’s hunched over like he’s trying to make himself smaller, when he’s smiling but it’s so obviously forced that it’s nearly pathetic—that he gets this irrational urge to protect him. There’s not even anything much to protect him from, everyone has bad days, but—he _wants to_. That’s stupid, isn’t it?

He forgot to give Hinata’s scarf back. Now it just sort of sits on his desk and taunts him, because he wants to wear it, but he’s got a feeling that would be— _weird_ , or crossing a boundary, or _something_. He can’t force himself to give it back, though. And Hinata never asks anyway.

The tabs on his desktop stay there for a couple of days while he reads over them, websites on different forms of aromanticism and how it manifests and experiences people have had with it. He should probably feel happy, knowing that there are other people like him out there that don’t _like_ the same way everyone else does, but the knowledge that he falls under that spectrum brings up questions he hadn’t bothered to think about since, like, junior high.

Has he ever had a crush on someone? Has he ever been attracted to someone romantically? Has he ever wanted to date someone? _Would_ he ever want to date someone? He hadn’t dated in high school. He hadn’t _thought_ about dating in high school. He hadn’t even had friends, not really. So to suddenly have the topics of friendship and romantic orientation and sexuality shoved in his face all at once is…well, headache inducing, quite honestly.

He has people outside of Hinata that he guesses he could call friends: Sugawara, Yachi, Kozume in some circumstances. They aren’t close with him, but that’s probably how he would introduce them were he put in a situation where he needed to (Kozume would more accurately be described as his roommate, but he digresses). But he doesn’t feel like he does around Hinata when he’s around them. There’s no nervousness or a need to impress, and he’s never found himself wanting to hold Yachi’s hand.

Does that just mean that he’s closer friends with Hinata? Or does that mean Kageyama _likes_ him?

He has no fucking clue.

Worst of all: it’s making him lose sleep. He’ll fall asleep thinking about something Hinata said and end up dreaming about said boy, and then wake up feeling weird because _why_ had he just dreamed about Hinata, even in the chastest sense of the word? And that happens pretty frequently, too. It’s becoming a problem.

The internet is, of course, no help. _How to tell if you like someone_ and _what it feels like to have a crush_ do not yield any results that clear up his confusion. The generic response is useless, the “it feels different for everyone” just makes him more confused—but the standard line between “platonic” and “romantic” seems to be drawn when you want to kiss someone. _If you want to kiss someone, that usually means you’re interested in them romantically_ is what most people seem to believe.

Does he want to kiss Hinata?

He gets two seconds into contemplating it before he closes the tab in a fit of embarrassment and forces himself to take a shower.

 

\--

 

Yachi sounds confused when he invites her to lunch with him, but she smiles and nods in agreement anyway, requesting that she just drop something off at her dorm and then they can go.

He waits outside the building, shifting his weight from one leg to the other and periodically taking his phone out to check the time before shoving it back into his pocket. He’s at six minutes when she finally comes back down, this time with the addition of a sweater and scarf. The scarf looks like it’s meant to match Hinata’s.

She notices him staring at it. “Hinata bought me this for Christmas last year, but there was a sale for two-for-one, so…”

He looks away, acutely aware of the how uncomfortable this is, and nods. They walk together in silence to the cafeteria after that.

Once they’re inside and seated, she takes a sip of her drink and starts, “So, um, what did you want to talk to me about, Kageyama-san?”

It’s too late to back out now, and he knows it. He wets his lips, sitting on his hands so they can’t wring together nervously. “It’s about Hinata.”

Yachi nods like she had been expecting that. “Is something wrong with him?”

“Ah—no, not with him.” He frowns at the table. “With me. I think.”

“You think?”

He takes a deep breath. “I can’t really…tell. And I don’t know for sure, but…”

She waits patiently for him to keep going, and after a moment of thinking about the best way to word this, he finally leans back, eyes trained on something to the left of her head, and says, “I think I have a crush on him.”

She doesn’t choke on her drink, but she does gape at him for a moment. “Y-you do?”

“Maybe. I don’t really…know. Which is, uh, what I need your help with.” He trails off at the end, reluctant to be admitting that he came to her for help with something as seemingly juvenile as _crushes_ and _romance_.

It seems like the information has finally settled in, because she shuts her jaw hurriedly, nervously apologizing for staring, and then she’s hiding a wide smile in her cup. He gives her a look, wary of what that expression means.

“What are you smiling about?”

She shakes her head, blonde hair swaying. “It’s nothing, I just, uh…I think it’s cute that you think you might like him, that’s all.”

“Oh.” His face feels warm. “Um. Thanks?”

She sets her drink down, suddenly serious. “So, do you just need help determining whether you like him or not?”

“I guess.” He sighs. “I’m not…very good with people, and I’ve never liked anyone like that before, so I can’t really tell if that’s what I’m actually feeling or…” _Or if I’m just convincing myself I am because he’s my first real friend_.

Nodding in understanding, she props her chin on her hand and seems to study him from across the table. Her demeanor has changed a little; she seems less wary now, and more confident and in control of the situation. “Well, first of all, I guess, why do you _think_ you like him?”

He frowns. “What?”

“Something made you realize that you might have a crush on him, right? Do you know what it is?”

“Oh. Uh…we just—I guess, we started talking about sexuality and whatever, and it made me think about how I…feel?” He ends it like a question and immediately cringes at the wording. “But, before that—I felt. Weird. Around him.”

“’Weird’ as in…?”

He frowns. “I thought he was going to kiss me and got disappointed when he didn’t.”

She seems surprised at this. “When was that?”

Kageyama shrugs. “A couple of weeks ago. We were going to meet you.”

“Oh.” Yachi mulls the information over for a moment, taking a bite of the sandwich she’d bought when they came in. She swallows before asking, “Is that the only thing that makes you think you like him, or is there more stuff?”

This should not be as embarrassing as it is, but _god_ why did he think it was going to be a good idea to talk about his feelings or whatever for Hinata? She _must_ see how red his face is. “There’s…other stuff…”

“Like…?” She prompts patiently.

“I want to hold his hand, just, out of the blue, and—“ he runs his hands through his hair, frustrated. “I don’t usually think about people as attractive, but he’s…I keep catching myself thinking he’s cute?”

“Do you want to be around him a lot?”

“Yes,” he responds immediately, and then frowns at how quickly he’d come to that conclusion.

She hides another smile behind her cup and speaks into the coffee when she asks, “Are you happy when you’re around him?”

“…Yeah.”

“Happier than you are with other people?”

He groans. “ _Yeah_.”

She laughs a little, not bad naturedly, and Kageyama leans back, thinking for a moment. She lets him contemplate his answers, before he asks into the momentary silence, “Is that how you feel around Shimizu?”

“Oh, um…” Her cheeks are pink, and she looks shyly down at her half-eaten sandwich. “I suppose so, yes…I’m happy when I’m around her.”

There’s been a question at the back of his mind, though. “Aren’t you happy around Hinata, though, too?”

She looks at him. “Hm? I mean…yes, of course I am, but not the same way as I am with Shimizu, if that’s what you mean.”

He frowns. “How can you tell the difference?”

“Well…” She thinks about it. “There’s different intent to it, I think. I like being around Shouyou, and I’m happy when I’m with him, but I don’t get the urge to kiss him or anything, and it’s more…” A pause. “Familial? We aren’t family, but that’s the only way I can think to explain it.”

“…Oh.”

“I’m sorry if that didn’t make much sense, Kageyama-san,” she apologizes, giving him a small smile. “But what about you? Does it feel more like Shimizu or more familial when you’re with Shouyou?”

He already knows the answer but pretends to think about it anyway. After a moment, he sighs, shoulders feeling heavy, already dreading this, and says, “Shimizu.”

Yachi nods with a smile, like she had been expecting that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: kageyamas bday stuff and Maybe the climax of the story B) (if that isnt next chap, itll b 9. im not sure whos pov i want it in yet, so.)


	8. i am a wolf among the sheep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should’ve kissed him on the mouth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so apparently i decided that the climax is gonna take place next chap in kageyama's pov and then last chap is hinata and then end woooooooo
> 
> haha this is definitely not my favorite of my stories ive written and i have a Lot of issues w/ it even just at chapter 8 but whooooo caAAAaaaaRes not me
> 
> i meant to upload this tuesday but i was sick monday and tuesday and cldnt do much but watch black butler and dread going back to school with all my makeup work. speaking of, im neglecting reading of mice and men for this. yall better appreciate this (im kidding i love yall)

Exams are harsh, because Hinata’s never been quite the best student (already an understatement), but he makes it through somehow. Kageyama turns out to be debatably an even worse student than he is—or at least on par with Hinata—so they quickly find out that studying together is not something that achieves many results, if any at all.

Yachi is a life savior like normal; her notes are always organized and pristine, and she helps them in some of the classes she can. Of course, some of Hinata’s exams are projects and research papers, and some of his classes don’t overlap with hers, but she does her best, and Hinata ends up begging Kenma to help fill in the gaps there. Kenma relents and Hinata’s thankful for the extra help, but the older boy is definitely not meant to be a teacher, so some of the time it ends up doing more harm than good.

Winter break finally arrives, and everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief.

It’s snowing even worse than it was earlier in the month, and Hinata thinks that he probably should’ve invested in more winter clothes (or at least better ones), because he’s relatively positive he’s going to freeze out in the cold if he’s not careful. He keeps forgetting to get his scarf back from Kageyama; he had forgotten to follow through with Kenma’s offer to retrieve it, and he’s pretty sure everyone has forgotten about it by this point.

That would be okay in theory, except for the fact that, because he almost lives at Kenma and Kageyama’s dorm these days, he ends up leaving a large portion of his winter wardrobe there. He’s already left at least one jacket there, along with the scarf. Both of the boys are horrible at not losing things, and he’s half sure he’s just never going to see that jacket or scarf ever again.

He ends up at their dorm as he often does, ready to drag Kenma out to do something with him, when Kageyama answers and all but shoves a box into his face.

“What the—“ He takes the item, larger than a shoebox and bare without any wrapping paper, turning it over in his hands to find the opening. “What’s this?”

“Open it, stupid,” Kageyama says, and even though he’s trying to sound annoyed, it mostly just comes out a little jittery. Hinata gives him a look, goes back to the box, and pushes his way inside the dorm.

He’s still turning it over in his hands, trying to figure out what it is without opening it, when he calls, “Kenma, I’m here!”

A voice from the bathroom: “Okay. Give me a moment.”

“’Kay!”

He sits on Kageyama’s bed, the taller boy standing around a little awkwardly, like he’s not sure if he should sit down with Hinata or just stand there. Hinata shakes the box to see if it’ll make any noise.

“Just open it already.”

Hinata scowls. “You’re rushing me.”

Kageyama scowls back.

Relenting, he pulls at the sides of the box that open it and lifts the lid. “Wrapping paper,” he says, picking up the yellow lump. It’s soft.

“ _Underneath_ the wrapping paper, dumbass,” Kageyama snaps, probably more of a reflex than anything, seeing as Hinata is already going about his way to rip the paper. The object is soft; probably clothes? He doesn’t know what else Kageyama would give him, really. It’s not like he’s mentioned wanting anything recently or something like that.

Hinata turns out to be right about that assumption. It’s a blue jacket, new with the tags still on it, and he lifts it out of the box to look at it fully. The lining is white, soft when he runs his hands over it; definitely a winter jacket.

At the silence, Kageyama must feel like he needs to explain, because he starts talking, rambling more than anything. “I just figured—I couldn’t find the one you left here, and I can’t…lend you any of mine or anything, since they’d be too big on you, and Kozume mentioned you needed some, so I just…”

Hinata’s still quiet. He’s staring at the present, confused but happy all the same. “Kageyama,” he says.

“…Yeah?”

“Thank you.” He’s smiling, probably too big, and his chest feels warm as he tries on the gift. It fits well enough—a little too long on the sleeves, but nothing that big of a deal, and it smells new and clean. He tears the tags off immediately and puts the jacket he had been wearing before in the empty box. He plans on wearing his new one out with Kenma.

Kageyama went silent at Hinata’s words, and now is looking at something a little to the right of Hinata’s head.

“Kozume helped me pick it out,” he says, giving more justification for his actions as if Hinata needs any at all. “You should be thanking him.”

As if on cue, the older boy exists the bathroom, for once not in his pajamas. His hair is still damp, and he towels it dry as he pads over to his own side of the room. He’s slipping his shoes on when he sees the jacket and stops. “You got your present.”

Hinata smiles. He still feels warm. “I heard you helped pick it out!”

Kenma nods and bends down to lace up his shoes. “Yeah.”

“You did a good job,” Hinata praises. “I love it.”

The blonde stands up and gives his younger friend a small smile. “I’m glad. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, but let me use the bathroom real quick first.”

“Sure.”

Hinata hops off the bed, feeling Kageyama’s eyes on him as he moves, and heads to the bathroom door. “Oh, Kenma—you can go on down ahead of me.”

This earns him a bit of a look, but eventually the blonde shrugs and turns to the door. “Okay. See you in a bit.”

Hinata turns back to the bathroom, where he doesn’t do much but stare at his gift in the mirror and try to hold a smile back behind his hand. It should _not_ make him this happy to get a present from Kageyama, and it definitely feels a little mean to be mentally disregarding the fact that Kenma helped too, but he’s so _happy_. He thanks the fact that he leaves his stuff here all the time.

Kageyama is sitting on his bed when Hinata finishes in the bathroom, leaning against the wall with his phone in hand, but he sits up and moves like he’s about to stand once he sees Hinata. The redhead smiles, not at all fake, and thanks him again.

Kageyama looks away, but stands to lead Hinata to the door to leave anyway. “Just stop leaving your stuff here.”

“That’s your fault for losing all of it!”

“Some of it Kozume lost,” he counters.

“Did Kenma lose my scarf too?”

Kageyama scowls, hiding his embarrassment behind annoyance. “Just go already, you’re making him wait out in the cold.”

“I never said he had to wait _outside_.” Still, Hinata moves to the door. He stands at the threshold for a moment, prepared to leave, before he stops, a thought entering his head. He can feel the questioning gaze on his back.

Ignoring it, he turns back around and pulls Kageyama into a hug before he really has time to register what he’s doing, an impulse decision and desire to express his gratitude physically. It’s stiff and awkward, because Kageyama doesn’t seem to know what to do to reciprocate, and the height difference makes him have to bend down slightly, but Hinata smiles into the other’s shoulder.

It’s only a few seconds, but it feels like years, and when Hinata pulls away, he wrinkles his nose to hide how warm his face feels. “You’re horrible at that.”

Kageyama blinks, obviously not having expected the first thing out of the other’s mouth to be an insult. “ _What_?”

“Hugging!” He explains, hands on his hips even when he’s sure his face is lighting up. “You’re really stiff and don’t know what to do.”

“Well, no one _made_ you do that.” He glares.

Hinata laughs, not the least bit intimidated. At this point, angry faces are just normal; there’s nothing scary about them anymore. Most things he used to think were scary or odd are just endearing now. “Thank you,” he says.

“What?”

It’s a split second, but he forces himself to move without thinking again, getting on his tiptoes and pressing a kiss to Kageyama’s cheek. He almost slips and misses, and wow doesn’t his heart skip a beat at _that_.

“Thanks,” he repeats, and the air feels thick and heavy with something he doesn’t know, atmosphere changed because of him. He’s still on his toes, and their faces are level. He almost blurts out _I want to kiss you_ before he realizes how horrible of an idea that is and all but absconds out of the room and down the hallway to meet Kenma outside.

He didn’t look to see Kageyama’s reaction, but he’s smiling when he gets outside.

 

\--

 

“You should’ve kissed him on the mouth,” is what Yachi says in response to his story.

He splutters, blushing because “give me a break, Yachi, I’m _trying_ ,” but she just laughs and leans against him.

She’s sitting between his legs, back to his chest. They’re in his dorm room on the floor, Yachi’s laptop in front of them where they had planned to watch cheesy Christmas movies (technically, girls aren’t allowed in the boys’ dorm, but he snuck her in anyway). The plans had changed slightly when Hinata remembered that he needed to tell her about recent events, and so they changed the topic to _romantic endeavors_ instead.

“Yeah, well, _I_ think it was a step forward,” he mumbles, setting his chin on her head. “I mean—I don’t even really know if he likes me at all, so I could’ve just crossed a boundary. If _that_ crosses something, I don’t think trying to make out with him will work.”

“You don’t know for sure that he doesn’t like you,” she says, and her voice sounds weird.

He gives her a look, not that she can see it. “Yacchan, are you hiding something?”

“What?” It comes out like a squeak, and he feels her shift in their cocoon. “No! What makes you say that?”

“You’re talking weird,” he points out, and he sees her pout.

“I am not. And anyway, have you even _asked_ if he likes you?”

He frowns. “Well…no. But—“

“Then how do you _know_ , huh?”

“Yachi, you know it’s not just as simple as that.”

“And why not?”

Hinata leans back against the side of his bed, her head sliding down so she’s leaning on his stomach. “Yachiiiii,” he groans. “You know why.”

“He never said for sure that he doesn’t ‘like’ like that, and you know it can be fluid for a lot of people, all things considered with you.” She leans here head back just for the sake of giving him a look. “Besides, I really think he likes you.”

“But you don’t know for sure.”

“You don’t either.” Her voice is gentle, as patient with him as ever, but he still frowns.

“Yeah, well…”

He stares at the water stains on the ceiling and thinks for a moment. Neither of them says anything for a couple of minutes, just sitting and enjoying each other’s silence, before he sighs and mumbles, “I guess…he doesn’t seem upset with me about me kissing him. So maybe it doesn’t bother him?”

“He liiiiked it,” she sings.

“You’re horrible to me.”

She laughs. “You know I’m only trying to help you.”

He grunts in response, closing his eyes to maybe doze off.

“Speaking of Kageyama, are you getting him anything for his birthday?”

“What?”

Yachi shifts, giving him a confused look, before she gets up completely and sits next to him on the floor instead, bringing the laptop closer to them. “His birthday. Didn’t you know it’s in a week?”

“No!”

“…Oh.”

Hinata groans again. Now that Kageyama gave him a gift literally just out of who the fuck _knows_ where, he can’t _not_ give the other a birthday present. He can’t imagine Kageyama as the type of person to care too much about gifts and material stuff and whatever, but Hinata would feel too guilty not getting him anything.

Hinata bets Kageyama is _horrible_ to shop for.

 

            **From:** Hinata

**To:** Bakageyama

           

            how come u didnt TELL me ur birthday is next week?!?!!!!

 

            **From** : Bakageyama

**To** : Hinata

 

            it didnt come up.

 

**From:** Hinata

**To:** Bakageyama

           

            <(｀^´)> that is NO EXCUSE

 

            when is it???

 

 

**From** : Bakageyama

**To** : Hinata

 

            the 22nd

 

**From:** Hinata

**To:** Bakageyama

 

            r u doing anything 4 it??

 

**From** : Bakageyama

**To** : Hinata

 

            no not really.

 

**From:** Hinata

**To:** Bakageyama

 

            !!!!! ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ whaaaaaaat???

 

            im having a party 4 u!!!!!

 

            no getting out of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A few minutes after sending the text, Hinata gets a call from said boy. He goes out to stand in the hallway before answering, not wanting to disturb Yachi while she watches the movie.

He opens his mouth to say something in greeting when he’s interrupted by, “No.”

“Aww, c’mon!”

“No. You are _not_ having a party for me.”

He pouts, even though the other can’t see it. “Why not? It would be fun! I’m really good at parties, and—“

“No.”

“Kageyama!”

“Hinata, _no_.”

“C’mon!”

“No. No. Whatever you’re about to ask—no. You’re not having a party for me.”

“I’m having a party for you.”

“ _Hinata_.”

“It won’t be a lot of people, just me and Yachi and—“

“ _No!_ ”

He flinches at the raised voice. There’s silence over the line for a moment, and then he hears the other taking a breath to say something—apologize for raising his voice, maybe; reiterate his no again, probably. Hinata doesn’t let him.

“Okay, I won’t have a party for you.”

“Hinata—“

“But you still have to do something with me, okay?”

He can feel the frown Kageyama gives him over the phone. “Like what?”

“I don’t know yet. Birthday dinner, maybe? We still have a week to figure it out!” This feels too close to asking him out; his heart skips a beat in anticipation for the answer.

Finally, Kageyama sighs. “Yeah, sure.”

Hinata figures that he’s alone anyway, so it doesn’t matter how much he smiles or how warm his face is; he does nothing to hide it while they keep talking.

When he comes back inside the dorm still smiling, the movie is more than halfway over, and Yachi gives him a knowing look.

“Told you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yachi knows Too Much


	9. a fire in a flask to keep us warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’ve talked about this a little before—Hinata’s depression, Kageyama’s anxiety. It’s never in depth, their conversations, because it’s always so taxing to talk about things as personal as that, but afterwards there’s always a level of trust and intimacy that follows that hadn’t been there before. Kageyama knows about the attempts. Hinata knows about the attacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whOOOOoooooOooOoOo
> 
> due to Recent Events, writing has been. increasingly difficult. mostly ive been too depressed to do much but sleep or complain tbh but somehow i managed to spit this out ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ its not my best, and i definitely wanted to change some stuff as i was writing, but i promised Smooch Chapter, so here it issss
> 
> and next chap is the last so ! heeeere we go manes

Kageyama, as both a kid and a teenager, did not have many birthday parties. In fact, pretty much the only one he can recall from his childhood includes his mother inviting his entire class, only to end in tears from one of the kids and a significant lack of cake. Not that he cared much at the time; even as a child, they seemed pointless to him.

As he got older, that despondency towards parties didn’t leave, it just had less to do with a lack of interest and more to do with his social anxiety. Parties are loud, and full of people, and crowded, and generally exactly the kind of thing he wants to avoid, and parties made _for_ him are significantly worse. Attention on him—expectations he doesn’t need…overall, it’s unpleasant. He avoids them as much as often.

His mom knew this and thankfully made no effort to try to throw him any in all his high school years. His birthday isn’t a big deal; he celebrates with his mom, maybe sticks a candle on some half-assed piece of cake just as an attempt, and that’s about it.

He should have known that Hinata would be the type of person to go all out on birthdays; he probably spouts shit about how it’s a “special day” and whatever, as if Kageyama _cares_ about how special it is. The flurry of texts Kageyama received, all saying that Hinata was going to throw him a party, should’ve been no surprise.

Thankfully, at this point the two of them run on mutual understanding (Kageyama doesn’t push Hinata, Hinata doesn’t push Kageyama) and Hinata relents, after much coercing. _No_ , you are not throwing me a party. _No_. _No exceptions_.

_Fine, but we’re still doing something_!

…Shit.

 

\--

 

Kageyama should _not_ be nervous. Kageyama should not be expecting anything. In fact, Kageyama shouldn’t even care—the two of them go out all the time! They’ve only known each other for, what, two months? A month and a half? But Hinata’s nearly glued to his hip these days, and they have meals together pretty frequently. Never mind that Kozume or Yachi is usually there, never mind that it’s never this expensive, never mind any of that—this. Is. Normal. He should not be freaking out.

…He’s freaking out.

Only because now that he knows that he might like Hinata, _everything he does_ somehow relates back to Kageyama liking him in his mind. Did that sound too much like asking someone out? Is this a date or is it just Hinata being Hinata? He doesn’t _know_ and it’s _frustrating_ , but he can’t ask the other either. There’s no way he’s ready to mention anything about how he feels, not when too much is up in the air and he’s still so unsure.

Yachi isn’t any help either. When he mentioned that his birthday was coming up, he hadn’t expected her to tell Hinata, and he hadn’t expected her to give such little guidance about this whole situation. She’s tight-lipped, sealing her mouth shut and locking it with an invisible key (and then throwing the key away) when he asks if Hinata has talked to her about this.

“That’s confidential,” she says.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘confidential’?” He scowls, but, just like Hinata, she’s gotten used to him and doesn’t budge at his expressions anymore. It’s annoying and relieving all at the same time.

“If I told you stuff he says, who’s to say I don’t tell _him_ stuff _you_ say?”

That is, annoyingly enough, a good point. He scowls more. “…Fine.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She smiles, something he’s come to associate with good feelings. “It’ll work itself out.”

He gives her a disbelieving look, because he’s already imagining all the ways this situation can do the exact opposite, but he can’t deny that he feels a little more at ease with her lack of concern. He’d be more worried if she didn’t look so calm about the whole situation.

Outside of that, Hinata won’t stop talking about what they’re doing for his birthday. He keeps asking what Kageyama wants as a present and then getting upset at the lack of response he gets (Kageyama can’t think of anything he wants or needs, so he’s not much help in the answer for that; he’s never been good with asking for things anyway).

“You don’t have to get me anything,” Kageyama answers for the fifth time, but he always gets the same response from Hinata.

He shakes his head defiantly. “You got me something just because, I can’t _not_ get you something for your birthday! It’s your _birthday_!”

“So?”

Hinata huffs. “It’s only once a year!”

“Yeah, _every_ year. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s special.” The smaller gives Kageyama a shove, nothing that hurts or does anything besides annoy him a little. He shoves back, gentler because this whole conversation is something they’ve had a million times.

“It’s not a big deal,” he repeats. “I’ve never liked birthdays anyway.”

“Why not? They’re so much fun!” Hinata makes a grand gesture with his hands as he explains; he uses his whole body when he talks. “You get to have a party and be with people and have fun! It’s funner when you’re a kid, I guess, but it’s still nice to get cake and presents.”

The grin Kageyama receives is blinding. He looks away and shrugs.

At the silence, Hinata nudges his shoulder. “Aww, c’mon.”

“I just don’t like parties,” he finally relents. “And ‘funner’ isn’t a word, dumbass.”

Hinata sticks his tongue out. “I knew that, party pooper.”

“I am _not_ —“

“I already told you, though, we don’t have to have a party, we just need to celebrate!”

Kageyama gives him another look; eyebrows turned down, frowning. “What’s with you and celebrating birthdays, anyway? They happen all the time. It’s really not that exciting.”

Hinata goes quiet at that, his grin drooping just a little into a smile, sadder. He looks away, eyes trained on the comforter of his bed. They’re in Hinata’s dorm, on the floor with half-empty take out boxes in front of them. Kageyama silently curses himself for having asked while he waits in the silence.

Eventually, Hinata shrugs and rolls onto his back so that he’s staring at the ceiling, still refusing eye contact even as he tries for a smile. “When I was growing up, they were always a really happy time, ya know? I guess they are for most people. And then as I got older, and I started…” His smile droops a little. “When my depression started and whatever, it got harder to live. And it got harder to make it to my next birthday.”

Kageyama stays quiet. They’ve talked about this a little before—Hinata’s depression, Kageyama’s anxiety. It’s never in depth, their conversations, because it’s always so taxing to talk about things as personal as that, but afterwards there’s always a level of trust and intimacy that follows that hadn’t been there before. Kageyama knows about the attempts. Hinata knows about the attacks.

“It got harder to make it through another year,” he continues, “so it became more of a deal whenever one rolled around. Birthdays were like ‘you did it! You’re alive and you did it!’ It was like a reward for staying here so long. So I kind of started to associate them with getting better and being happy.”

There’s not much to say to something like that. He watches Hinata for any change in expression; after a moment, the redhead finally looks at him and smiles, white teeth and genuine.

“I kind of forget that not everyone’s that way though.” He laughs.

Kageyama looks at him for another good moment before lying down next to him.

“What?”

“That makes sense,” he says. He can’t bring himself to make eye contact as he speaks; instead, he stares at the ceiling like the other had been doing, copying the smaller’s body language. Hands on stomach, ankles crossed. They’re side by side now.

“…I guess.” From the corner of his eye, he sees Hinata turn back to the ceiling too. Both are quiet for a moment.

“I don’t like parties,” he finally says, the words coming out forced and choppy. Talking is still kind of hard, and so is sharing anything personal, but Hinata had done it and a part of him feels like he owes the other for that moment of vulnerability. “I get really…anxious during anything big like that. I didn’t have any friends growing up, so parties were always kind of pointless anyway, and then when I got older, they were. Bad. Because I would get so anxious.”

He sees Hinata nod. “Is that why you didn’t want me to throw you one so bad?”

“…Yeah.”

“Mm.” He feels the other shift towards him, just slightly. “I’m sorry I tried to make you.”

“It’s not a big deal. You don’t have to apologize, stupid.”

“You’re the stupid one, Bakageyama.” Hinata pushes him playfully. His skin burns where they made contact.

“Thanks.”

Hinata’s hand drops, and Kageyama sees the other turn to look at him. “What?”

“For talking to me,” he says. He forces himself to make eye contact. “About…that. Since I know that’s personal.”

It takes Hinata a moment to realize what he’s referring to, but he blinks and smiles again. “That’s what friends do, stupid. We’re supposed to talk about personal things sometimes, you don’t have to thank me.”

“Still…”

“Hey.” His voice is quiet. “I’m being serious, ya know that, right?”

When did their voices start lowering? When did Hinata get so close to him? “…Okay.”

“And, like, we can talk about…this stuff. If you ever need to. You don’t have to say things just because I say things first. Alright?”

“Okay.”

“Kageyama.”

He blinks. “What?”

Hinata laughs. His breath is warm on Kageyama’s face, and wow nope he’s definitely not blushing. “You weren’t listening at all, were you.”

“I was listening,” he defends. “…Kind of.”

“Lying is bad, you know,” the redhead scolds, playing, and sits up. For some reason, Kageyama wants to reach out and bring him back down; he doesn’t like that the other got up. The proximity was nice.

Kageyama sits up too and tries to forget whatever that was just then.

He’s about ninety percent sure he’s got a huge fucking crush on Hinata.

 

\--

 

The hours leading up to what’s supposed to be his “birthday outing” with Hinata are—stressful, because he’s anxious as all hell and has no idea what he’s supposed to do in this situation. Is this a date? He still doesn’t know, and he’s never even been on a date if it _is_ one, so even with that knowledge he would be clueless. He’s jittery all day, because it just so happens that he can’t even see Hinata before they go out to gauge his reaction to the whole thing.

To be frank, he’s nervous as fuck.

Eventually, he decides to go with the assumption that it’s _not_ a date (however disappointed that leaves him feeling), and wears what he would normally wear out with Hinata. This is normal; they do this all the time. It’s just. This time. Not with anyone else. And also on a day that Hinata has deemed “very important.”

Hinata ends up coming to his dorm to get him, because Hinata’s the one with a car and it only makes sense to go together instead of meeting up at the restaurant. This part is normal, except Kozume keeps giving Hinata these _looks_ , hardly any different from his normal ones, except this time more…amused. Like he knows more about what’s going on than Kageyama does, which, frankly, frustrates him.

As they’re getting in the car, Hinata gives a little “oh!” before frantically reaching in the back and flailing around for something. After nearly falling backwards, he pulls himself back up with a small gift bag in hand, paper wrapping sticking out the top.

“Happy birthday!” He thrusts the bag into Kageyama’s hands excitedly, looking exceedingly proud of himself.

Kageyama takes it somewhat dubiously, wary of the brightly colored packaging.

“I told you I didn’t want anything,” he mumbles but opens it anyway, if only because Hinata’s smiling (so wide it looks like it must hurt) and bouncing in his seat like he can hardly contain himself.

It’s a pair of shoes, brand new and shining. “That’s why you asked for my shoe size the other day?”

“Yeah.” He laughs. “I tired to be discreet about it, but….ya know.”

Kageyama snorts. “’Discreet.’”

“Well, you didn’t guess it!”

He’s got a point, but Kageyama isn’t about to admit that. “Thank you. For the present.”

Hinata opens the driver door and gets in. “No problem.”

It isn’t until they get to the restaurant that things get awkward again; the car ride was fine, and they fell into comfortable silence, but the moment Kageyama steps into the place, the situation feels different. The restaurant they’re at is more expensive than usual. When they sit down and get ready to order, Hinata says that he’s paying and that Kageyama should get whatever he wants.

He scowls at that. “I can pay for myself.”

“You _can_ , but I’m gonna do it. It’s part two of your present.”

“Please tell me there are only two parts,” Kageyama mumbles as he tries to hide his burning face in his menu.

“Three, actually.”

“ _Fucking_ —“

It is, of course, right at that moment the waiter decides to join them.

 

\--

 

Dinner goes well. It’s pleasant. Once Kageyama stops feeling so weird about everything, it’s significantly easier to just enjoy their meal. He figures, Hinata isn’t acting weird about it—not any weirder than he usually acts, at least—so he probably shouldn’t worry too much. He’s not being to obvious about his huge fucking crush (at least he hopes he isn’t), so it should be fine.

And it _is_ fine, for the most part, up until they’re leaving the diner and getting back into Hinata’s car and conversation dwindles. Hinata brings up what Kageyama had been hoping to avoid the entire night.

“So, any updates on the whole,” he makes a motion with one hand, the other on the steering wheel as he turns out of the parking lot, “orientation thing?”

Kageyama stiffens. “’Updates’ as in…?”

“Obviously you don’t have to have anything figured out or whatever, but…” He trails off. The conversation is always a bit of an awkward one, because neither of them is very good at knowing how to say what they think.

Kageyama shrugs. “It’s…I don’t know.”

“You said you thought you liked someone last time.” Hinata flips on his turn signal. “Ah, wait, no, that’s probably—you don’t have to tell me, that’s kinda—“

“No, it’s.” Kageyama interrupts him, pauses. Takes a deep breath. Starts again. “It’s fine. I’m…interested in someone, yeah.”

He cringes at the wording. The words sound awkward and choppy and gross coming out of his mouth, but he lets them sit in the air. It’s December, but it feels to hot in the car all of the sudden. He takes his jacket off in hopes that that’ll help any.

Hinata glances at him from the side. He can feel the other’s curiosity, the desire to ask _whom_ exactly it is he’s interested in, but the question doesn’t come. Mercifully, Hinata leaves it alone and switches the conversation to something else, territory that doesn’t make Kageyama stiffen up in his seat.

It isn’t until they’re outside Kageyama’s door that it occurs to him the atmosphere has changed between the two, nor does it occur to him that he’s thankful for this change until the redhead is on his tiptoes, face so close to his that Kageyama can count his eyelashes.

And then there are hands on his scarf pulling him down to meet Hinata, and they’re kissing. It lasts a total of four seconds—he counts—and somehow, he’s still breathless when Hinata finally pulls away.

“Happy birthday, Kageyama,” he says, and it sounds like a whisper.

Then he’s retreating back down the hallway, and Kageyama doesn’t have enough brainpower to think anything but _holy shit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	10. you'll dance to anything!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they pull away, the wind around them is still cold, but Hinata feels warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whOOOOOOOOOO LA ST CHA P TER
> 
> this is late uploading + i literalyl had to force myself to finish this so the chap is kkkkind. eugh. so maybe ill go back and edit a few things (add more stuff, but nothing that wld change what happens if u get my drift) when its not a wednesday on a school night and im abt to pass out lol
> 
> i love all of u and this fic was Fun and i am just :')))) so much thanks for support despite how p00py this ended up being. also im so sorry i cldnt fit sloppy makeouts into this fic like i said i wld. maybe ill write a oneshot just b/c. whoooOo knows. not me

Hinata leaves the next morning to visit his family for the holidays. He sends a quick text telling Kageyama that he’ll be gone for the next week for Christmas and hurries to turn his phone off, not checking to see if the other has responded, or even if the message had read _delivered_.

The train ride home is silent and crowded, and Hinata feels just a little bit sick.

 

\--

It’s not that Hinata hadn’t wanted to kiss Kageyama—because it definitely isn’t that, lord knows. It’s that he realizes, belatedly (as everything with Hinata is), that while he _thought_ the feelings were mutual, he never checked. He didn’t confess before kissing him, he didn’t come out with a “hey, by the way, I’ve got a huge crush on you and want to be your boyfriend probably.” He just…went with it.

Which, without context of Kageyama and his on-going conversation regarding Kageyama’s stand on romance, doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But Hinata lets himself go too long without knowing the other’s reaction to his gamble, and he loses his nerve. Now, he’s just sort of scared.

So he leaves his phone turned off during his trip and falls asleep half way through. When he wakes up, it’s ten minutes until they pull into the station. He’s got imprints on his arm from where he’d fallen asleep. A kid across from him meets his eye, and he gives a tired smile.

Seeing his mother and Natsu is something he doesn’t get to do often because of where his university is, so it’s nice to get to go home and be with them and catch up. He has presents stuffed in his bag, and Natsu pouts when he won’t tell her immediately what she’s getting.

Christmas is as Christmas is. He enjoys the break from school, definitely, but it’s difficult to fully relax when he’s got that bit of anxiety worrying at him in the back of his mind all the time. He turns his phone on again once he arrives, but it shows only a text from Yachi, telling him to say hi to Natsu for her. He does as she asks and tries to hide his disappointment when he sees the last thing sent between him and Kageyama is still his own message.

What if he’s upset about it? Angry? Disgusted? Hinata frowns at his phone and stuffs it in his pocket.

The next three days, things are so busy that he manages to not think about it almost the entire time. Dinner isn’t big, but it’s nice, and his mother tells him stories from when he was away. Natsu talks about the tooth she lost last week, and the grade she made in school, and something her friend said the other day while over.

“You’ll make a snowman with me, won’t you?” she asks, looking far too excited. It’s not actually snowed that much, but Hinata always plays with her outside when winter comes around, and he can’t let this year be the only one he lets her down, so he smiles and nods. The snowman they build is small, but Natsu is excited.

\--

 

Christmas afternoon, his mother notices his worry. He sent a text saying happy Christmas to Kageyama earlier in the day, but no response. Kenma has been texting him, and he’s had his phone with him pretty much nonstop because of it.

“Something wrong?” she asks, looking concerned.

“Ah, no, nothing’s wrong,” he goes to assure, but she gives him a look, and after a moment, he relents. He’s never been good at lying to her. “Nothing that big of a deal. Just…friend. Stuff.” He coughs and cringes. _Friend stuff._

She nods, though, and sits down beside him on their couch. “You can talk to me about it, if that would help.”

He glances at her from the side before letting his eyes fall back to his phone. It lights up with a text from Kenma, beeping once in alert.

“Just…” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I think I messed things up with one of my friends, but I’m kind of too afraid to check…”

She hums. “Which friend?”

“Kageyama.”

“Ah.” A nod. “That one.”

He’s mentioned him once or twice to her, but nothing about his feelings for the other. He coughs into his fist again and shifts on the couch. “Yeah…”

“Well, why do you think you messed things up?”

Hinata looks down. “I think I crossed a boundary. I mean—I had intended to, but only because I thought it was, I don’t know, okay?” He frowns. “And he never, uh, never said outright it _wasn’t_ okay, but now that I’m thinking about it, I think I just fu—screwed up.” He corrects himself quickly. Not living with Natsu for so long made him forget about censorship at the house.

His mom doesn’t say anything about the slip up. “What made you come to the conclusion that it would be okay?”

Another frown. There’s not really a way to explain this without saying specifically what happened. “Well…”

She waits patiently for him to collect his thoughts. Eventually, he just sighs and leans back on the couch, frustrated. The words come out rushed. “I kissed him on his birthday because I _thought_ that he liked me back but he’s also not really sure if he’s ever liked anyone and I didn’t even confess or anything and he hasn’t responded to my texts and I think he’s probably mad at me.”

It’s a good thing that she’s good at keeping up with him when he speaks like that, because she seems to catch all of it, and her face splits into a small smile. “Shouyou, you never mentioned you were interested in him!”

“Eughhhhh,” he groans into his hands. She’s always so embarrassing when it comes to things like this with him. “Yeah, I know, I was trying to _avoid_ telling you, but…”

She nods and returns to acting serious, frowning a little as she thinks. “You’re sure he’s not just been busy with family? It is the holidays and all.”

“I don’t know.” He sighs.

His mother gives him a sympathetic look. “Things’ll work out, Sho. Just enjoy being with your family and worry about it when you get back, okay?”

He doesn’t know how much he’ll be able to follow through with that, but he nods and tries for a smile anyway.

 

\--

 

When Hinata returns December twenty-seventh, it’s been five days since he kissed Kageyama, and said boy isn’t at his dorm. Hinata asks Kenma about it, and Kenma blinks, saying that Kageyama had been gone the past couple of days too, apparently visiting family along with pretty much everyone else at the university.

Hinata is partly relieved and partly disappointed. Mostly, though, he’s just nervous, and the longer to wait means longer to let those nerves fester and psyche him out of going through with the confrontation at all. Kageyama gets back a day later, looking tired, and Hinata almost wishes he hadn’t.

Things are silent. And plenty awkward. Hinata tries to act as normal as he can, but it’s stiff having conversation, and even the pleasantries regarding their holidays end up sounding off and unlike them.

After the third uncomfortable silence, Hinata slams his fist on the table and pushes his chair back to stand up with more force than necessary.

“That’s it,” he says, only to immediately be shushed by other residents of the library. They’d been hanging around in awkward silence for a while now, and he’s finally sick of it.

“What?”

Kageyama doesn’t even have enough time to fully question the other about his outburst, because then he’s being dragged up out of his chair and out of the building. Hinata’s hand burns where he’s got a grip on Kageyama’s wrist, but kind of in a good way. He feels guilty for enjoying the contact, but the wrist isn’t being pulled away.

Outside, he finds a secluded corner away from people walking around to give them some privacy. He doesn’t think he would do very well having this conversation out in public, and he has a feeling Kageyama wouldn’t either.

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama’s frowning, eyebrows creased in concern, and Hinata drops his wrist in favor of throwing his hands up.

“Us!” He says, and then amends. “Me! I think?”

“What?”

Hinata takes a deep breath. “I just…I just wanted to—to apologize, about, on your birthday. Because I didn’t think about it when it happened, but I realized I never even asked if that was okay, and I don’t wanna, like, make things _weird_ if you don’t like me back like that.”

Everything he said was rushed. He hopes the other caught it so he doesn’t have to repeat himself.

“…Oh.” Kageyama turns his face away, but Hinata catches the pink tint. He coughs once. “Yeah. That.”

“Yeah.” Hinata nods, shifts a little where he stands. “So…are we still good?”

The taller gives him a look, clearly confused. “Of course. Why wouldn’t we be?”

It’s Hinata’s turn to frown. “You didn’t respond, like, the _entire_ time you were out of town. I sorta assumed you were mad at me for kissing you or something.”

“I’m not—“ Saying it out loud succeeds in making his face heat up even more. “I wasn’t trying to ignore you…” He trails off sheepishly.

“Then, why…?”

“I didn’t have service,” he explains. “And I don’t think I would’ve responded either way. I was kind of…mulling things over. During break.”

Hinata’s stomach drops. He looks away: sinking feeling. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama nods.

“So did you figure anything out?” he can’t help but ask.

“One thing.”

A gust of wing blows past, reminding Hinata that they’re outside. He notices the other take a small step towards him and subconsciously does the same. “Oh. Then…what was it you were thinking about?”

He can’t even get out the second thought of _if you’re okay with telling me_ before Kageyama is answering, immediate and sure of himself, “You.”

Then, of course, he seems to realize what he said, and he shifts his feet in the snow and stares at his palms, fingertips pink from the cold. Hinata can’t decide if the answer of _you_ is a good or bad thing. He tugs at his scarf.

“Me,” he says. “Whether you like me?”

“Th-that was some of it.” Hinata can’t tell if the stutter is from nerves or the cold.

“And?”

Kageyama is still looking at his palms. “I like you.”

“ _Like_ like?”

He scowls at Hinata, who only lets himself grin in response. “Yes, _‘like_ like.’”

Despite having just been about to throw up two minutes ago, Hinata can’t help his smiling or the way he bounces on the sole of his feet, and he fights the urge to reach forward and grab the other’s hands, both for warmth and for contact. “That’s great! ‘Cause I like you too!”

“I sort of got that from you kissing me,” Kageyama mumbles, looking embarrassed at how excited Hinata is, but the redhead pays him no mind.

“Does that mean we’re dating now?”

“If you want us to be—I mean,” Kageyama finally makes eye contact, but it’s only for a brief second before his eyes flicker somewhere to the right of Hinata’s shoulder embarrassedly. “I would like that.”

Hinata’s still smiling, but he stops bouncing so much so he can step towards the taller and gently, hesitantly reach for his hands. They’re cold from the weather and significantly larger than his own, but when he entwines them with his, it’s nice, and his hands don’t look as small as he thought they would. They fit well together.

He runs his thumb over Kageyama’s knuckle absentmindedly. “Do you think it would it be okay if I kissed you?”

A hesitant nod is given in answer. It’s awkward having to get on his tiptoes, but he steadies himself on Kageyama’s shoulders and that feels right. Kageyama cards a hand through his hair and slides his hat off in response.

When they pull away, the wind around them is still cold, but Hinata feels warm.

 

\--

 

Hinata Shouyou certainly isn’t the _worst_ boyfriend Kageyama could’ve been stuck with.

He’s loud and boisterous and overly friendly; he thrives off of people and human interaction and is one hundred percent the _opposite_ of Kageyama’s introversion. He doesn’t know when to shut up or use an inside voice, he spends half his time glued to his phone and the other half not responding for hours in lieu of an impromptu nap, and he’s always stealing Kageyama’s clothes, despite everything being several sizes to big for him.

Half the time when Kageyama tries to do something romantic or boyfriend-ish, he ends up getting made fun of because Hinata thinks it’s “cute,” and the other half of the time he tears up. They argue over who’s paying for dinner, despite always mutually coming to the conclusion of splitting the bill. Hinata forces Kageyama into taking selfies with him and puts them on his Snapchat story with too many emojis added on.

Hinata brags about being older, and insists he drive them everywhere; he hogs the blankets when they spend nights together and watches too many old action movies; he persuades Kageyama into going to the library with him to study and then distracts the other from actually getting any work done. He spends half the time laughing at Kageyama for messing up a sentence and the other half tripping over his own foot. All of his texts contain at least one emoticon of some kind, and he put the dumb heart emoticon next to Kageyama’s name just to annoy him.

He keeps Kageyama awake until two AM talking, despite the fact that they’ll be able to see each other in person in another couple of hours; he texts Kageyama out of reflex when he’s upset about something and always answers when Kageyama’s having an attack and needs help. He wraps the taller in a blanket and curls up next to him and turns all the lights off and holds him when he’s overwhelmed and can’t calm down; Hinata presses hands to Kageyama’s chest and talks about his heartbeat and helps him remember how to breath (inhale, hold, exhale). Sometimes he talks and talks, in a quiet, soothing voice so unlike the lively one he uses normally, telling stories about things that happened once when he was little or funny things Natsu has done or interesting facts he learned in class the other day. He calms Kageyama down, and he is patient, and he tries to understand.

Kageyama’s embarrassed by the term “boyfriend” still, because he’s not used to it, but he sees the way Hinata’s face lights up when he uses it, sees how happy it makes him to know that’s what they are, so Kageyama puts his red face aside and lets himself admit they’re dating, in public, to friends, in private when Hinata’s teasing.

“I can’t believe my boyfriend is such a nerd,” Hinata says, and despite the insult and knee-jerk response of “Hey!” Kageyama still notices how light his chest feels. He’s never been that for someone else before, and he likes hearing it out loud almost as much as Hinata does. He leans down and kisses Hinata because he wants to, and the other smiles and laughs into his mouth and wraps arms around his shoulders, and it feels right.

Yeah, Hinata’s a pretty good boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @kageyama G A Y
> 
> come scream at me about kagehina on tumblr at calliopin-around


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